A little humor

[SharoninSAT]

The Will...
 
Marc Fitzgerald is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
 
My son, "Andy, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
 
My daughter "Kerry, you take the apartments over in the east end."
 
My son, "Matt, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
 
"Susan, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
 
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Marc slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Fitzgerald your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
 
Susan replies, "Property? The nutcase had a paper route!"
 

 

[MCI transplant]

My feelings on the matter!   

 

[delldude]

 

[SharoninSAT]

.
https://youtu.be/hashPaU7Dpk

 

[SharoninSAT]

Home Security…
 
 
With all the security risks concerning our homes,  I thought you might like my money saving, 
security solution. 
 
 I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from
 the Neighborhood Watch.

 I've raised two Pakistani flags in the front yard, one at each corner,
 and the black flag of ISIS  in the center.

 The local sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security,
 Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.
  
  I've never felt safer ….  and I'm saving $49.95 a month.  
 

 

[SharoninSAT]

.

 

[xUT]

[SIZE=10pt]WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS? [/SIZE]
 
[SIZE=10pt]A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. [/SIZE]
 
[SIZE=10pt]After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]Father, what causes arthritis?” The priest replies, "My Son, it's [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]prostitutes and lack of a bath." [/SIZE]
 
[SIZE=10pt]The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, then returned [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]strong. How long have you had arthritis?" [/SIZE]
 
[SIZE=10pt]The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]that the Pope has it. [/SIZE]
 
[SIZE=10pt] [/SIZE]

 

[xUT]

[SIZE=18pt]Just in case you think you're having a bad day...[/SIZE]
 
View attachment 10706
 
[SIZE=14pt]THINK OF THE FARMERS DAUGHTER!!![/SIZE]
 

 

[delldude]

 

[MCI transplant]

[SIZE=18pt]Just in case you think you're having a bad day...[/SIZE]
 

FarmersDaughter.jpg
 
[SIZE=14pt]THINK OF THE FARMERS DAUGHTER!!![/SIZE]
 

i wonder what he was doing?

 

[delldude]

Justin Bieber taking boxing lessons from Floyd Mayweather.
 
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87JgSSySoBY [/media]

 

[Hatu]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFFQkQ6Va3A

 

[MCI transplant]

Young man playing golf in Ireland. Swings and his ball takes a nasty hook and lands in a clump of trees. He follows the ball and finds a leprechaun out cold next to his ball! The man runs over and picks up the leprechaun and says" leprechaun, leprechaun are you O.K.?" The leprechaun wakes up and sees he has been caught, and says " well it looks like you've caught me fair and square, so I'll have to give you three wishes! So what will they be?" The man puts down the leprechaun and says," No,no ! I just want to make sure your not hurt! And plays on. ------ "Well, what nice young man" says the leprechaun. I think I'll grant him his three wishes anyway. Well what could he want? I know, wish number one, good health! ----- So be it! Wish number two! ------ A little extra cash to spend! ------ So be it! And now, what else could a nice young man like that want? Aa yes! ------ May his sex life be abundant! ----- So be it!" Well, a year latter the same young man is playing the same course, He tees off and his ball goes into the same clump of trees. Well, the young man thinks to himself, " I hope I haven't hit that leprechaun again!" as he walks back into the trees, he see the leprechaun setting on a stump. "Well, I see you are O.K. this time!" ------- "Yes the leprechaun replies. By the way, how have you been feeling these days?" Asks the leprechaun. ------- "Why just fine', answers the young man. ----- Yes, I gave you that wish! And how has your money been holding out?" ------ Funny you asked, because every time I put my hand in my pocket, I fine a twenty pound note!" ----- "Ay, that was my second wish I granted you!!"------ And how has your love life been these days?" ------- Why, just terrible, terrible!" ------- Now the leprechaun is confused! "How can that be? And how often do you do the dastardly deed?" He asked.------- "Oh, at least three, or four times a week!" ------- "And how can that be so "terrible?"------- "Well", the young man replays," After all, I am the Parish Priest!" 

 

[Hatu]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkAK9QRe4ds

 

[delldude]