A little humor
- Thread starter KCFlyer
- Start date
tech2101
Veteran
Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Len
tech2101
Veteran
What do you call a blond with a ham radio license?
A no coder.
(You have to be a ham to get it.)
A no coder.
(You have to be a ham to get it.)
SharoninSAT
Veteran
I don't take it myself as I like to be annoying and it makes me even more cheerful...
Profound Words From Willie Nelson
Thought you would enjoy Willie's words
Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker, and a highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound!
Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 75th birthday below his esteemed portrait below.
Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life
Read below and digest carefully
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"I have outlived my pecker".
Thought you would enjoy Willie's words
Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker, and a highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound!
Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 75th birthday below his esteemed portrait below.
Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life
Read below and digest carefully
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I have outlived my pecker".
tech2101
Veteran
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that The Pope does.'
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that The Pope does.'
tech2101
Veteran
For All Employees Who Work with Rude Customers:
An award should go to the (insert airline of choice here) gate attendant in [insert city] some 12 months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded flight was canceled after [insert airline] 767's had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please; may I have your attention please, " she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS, if anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F#*K You Lady!
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir," but you'll have to get in line for that too."
An award should go to the (insert airline of choice here) gate attendant in [insert city] some 12 months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded flight was canceled after [insert airline] 767's had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please; may I have your attention please, " she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS, if anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F#*K You Lady!
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir," but you'll have to get in line for that too."
SharoninSAT
Veteran
tech2101
Veteran
SEVEN KINDS OF SEX
Results of a recent research show that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so
needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine ,and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each
other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. * You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
Results of a recent research show that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so
needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine ,and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each
other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. * You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
Tug McGroin
Senior
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the
altar," the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the
preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."
Leroy replies: "Preacher, Ah needs you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on
top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue
streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "Ah don't know, Reverend, it ain't till next Wednesday!"[/size]
altar," the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the
preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."
Leroy replies: "Preacher, Ah needs you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on
top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue
streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "Ah don't know, Reverend, it ain't till next Wednesday!"[/size]
