The Galley Show - Part Deux

Betty, things are so confusing. I know Gloria is on FMLA after her husband's unfortunate incident in that Amsterdam bathhouse. He had to fly home in a body cast. That whole Namibian thing was overblown. That wasn't a soccer team. They called themselves Lions but they were just just royalty. Couldn't kick a soccer ball any more than Kirby could wipe out a quarterback.

Debbie does have a rash. She says its from the heat.

Yes, Dear. You would like a Mimosa? Wasn't the one you got boarding enough liquor? You are soooo thin. Maybe one of our friends in management could take care of you. I hear they have more liquor than BP has oil. I am sure they can spill some on you. And quit watching my Soduku. If you can't figure it out without cheating get a wordsearch book. My name?

Gloria. And yours?
 
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the language professor is in a good mood, "Ce vol Mesa n'était pas mal du tout" she is teaching her seatmate to say. Too bad Gloria isn't on this trip, Yinz know how she'd like to practice her French. Now if Floyd would just stop looking at the Guide to the 2010 World Cup and checking out the players we could have a nice trip.
 
Oooooh, I don't know if it's true or not, but I heard lawn boy tried to escape from the Maricopa and got caught by some local sheriff's deputies who were concerned that he was in the country illegally, that poor man.

I forgot to tell you, on my last trip I was approached upon checkout of the hotel by someone who identified themselves as "corporate security" and was escorted back to my room to go over the results of a "random search." They went through the trash cans and found themselves a bottle of water they thought was from the airplane, but when they asked me about it, I, in true form, told them it was POLAR SPRINGS, not that AQUARIUS SPRING water from the plane. For Pete's sake, I think that chesty little non rev told on me because she thought I took those gins. Let me tell you what I'm a gonna do if she ever steps foot on a plane I'm working on again. I think the cart might just develop a mind of its own, like that car from the movie CARRIE. Heck, I might just check her little Louis Vuitton to Rio next time, instead of Rio Salado.

I need a sickation, um, I mean a VACATION.
 
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Ooooh Myyyyy Golllly ya'll. You won't believe it! After the incident with the hotel room search, we had a day from you-know-where. Everyone was compliainin' about their bags, the fees, "How come y'all charge for nuts and pillows?!" I was almost at the end of my rope when the trip ended and just as I thought we were done with the paring from Hades, we get greeted with a white-coat and a little cup. It never fails, just as the shift changes for the ramp guys and TSA, I swear I almost get run over by those TSA people when I stand by the employee bus waiting with my bags.

So annnywayyy, of course I didn't have to go so I had to wait and wait and wait until I mustered up to fill ye ole cup - and in my frustration from the trip and not having to go I said, "I need to call Betty and Floyd." Well you shoulda seen the looks on their faces - they thought I said "I need to call BETTY FORD!" Well the next thing ya know, somoene from EAP comes in and starts talking to me about how to deal with the stressors of the industry and the pressures of commutting and the hardship of paycuts without resorting to chemicals. I kept saying, "I said BETTY AND FLOYD, not BETTY FORD" but they just wouldn't listen to me.

Did you hear about all those new hires up in Philadelphia who are getting displaced? They're all upset and complaining that they are getting kicked around again. I thought that's what reserves were for - they knew what they were signing up for when they got hired here and I'm sick and tired of hearing the summer help complain. They are all like 19 and 20 year olds anyway, what's the problem?

Well I better get going. They said I should be done with the program in 8 more days. I had to call my supervisor and put in for some PCL thing so I wouldn't use up all my sick calls. Lord knows you've got to save them for when Southwestern cancels that flight we all love so much. Tell everyone I'm helping out in the Gulf with the oil cleanup or something. I don't want them thinking I'm getting any work done, and lord knows if they find out I'm in here they will surely be gossipping in the galley. Besides, I'm not the one with the problem.
 
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I just got a text from Gloria, still on FMLA. She ran into Debbie after a brutal day cleaning turtles on the Westbank, Said they were both parched.

Imagine Gloria and Debbie all dried out in New Orleans. I am sure there is something to drink.

Who is left to fly TA? Floyd is all spazzed out about working with reserves.

They can't dance, they can't sing.

All they can do is....
 
Gloria, can I get your help back here? The passengers are in a commotion, something about maggots? Where is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? Floyd is here, but he's hiding in an overhead bin. Problem is, he didn't really assess the situation before he leapt up there ...seems the maggots are coming from the same bin. He does have a way with spoiled meat though....
 
Betty, call the cockpit. This guy Clem claims to be a world famous road kill chef and Floyd contaminated his meat. Clem says he was even on the NASCAR Network.

Floyd is retching in the aft lav and Clem is threatening to sue. Says rancid meat is his 'Raysion datray' (where is that French Professor with the Southern accent?) and properly prepared is a delicacy. He is pounding on the lav door demanding Floyd toss his cookies in his bag.

I knew meal service on board was a bad idea.
 
Betty, call the cockpit. This guy Clem claims to be a world famous road kill chef and Floyd contaminated his meat. Clem says he was even on the NASCAR Network.

Floyd is retching in the aft lav and Clem is threatening to sue. Says rancid meat is his 'Raysion datray' (where is that French Professor with the Southern accent?) and properly prepared is a delicacy. He is pounding on the lav door demanding Floyd toss his cookies in his bag.

I knew meal service on board was a bad idea.

Oh Good Christ Gloria The copier guy in 2C is ringing the call button, Jezzsus U just took him a double of Gin & Tonic! WTF I just stated my sudoko will you see what he wahts he seems kinda animated.

An Betty this is Gloria the copier guy is having a coniption, seem there are "Critters" in a plastic bag in the overhead I think we found that cheesesteak.
 
Ooooh Myyyyy Golllly ya'll. You won't believe it! After the incident with the hotel room search, we had a day from you-know-where. Everyone was compliainin' about their bags, the fees, "How come y'all charge for nuts and pillows?!" I was almost at the end of my rope when the trip ended and just as I thought we were done with the paring from Hades, we get greeted with a white-coat and a little cup. It never fails, just as the shift changes for the ramp guys and TSA, I swear I almost get run over by those TSA people when I stand by the employee bus waiting with my bags.

So annnywayyy, of course I didn't have to go so I had to wait and wait and wait until I mustered up to fill ye ole cup - and in my frustration from the trip and not having to go I said, "I need to call Betty and Floyd." Well you shoulda seen the looks on their faces - they thought I said "I need to call BETTY FORD!" Well the next thing ya know, somoene from EAP comes in and starts talking to me about how to deal with the stressors of the industry and the pressures of commutting and the hardship of paycuts without resorting to chemicals. I kept saying, "I said BETTY AND FLOYD, not BETTY FORD" but they just wouldn't listen to me.

Did you hear about all those new hires up in Philadelphia who are getting displaced? They're all upset and complaining that they are getting kicked around again. I thought that's what reserves were for - they knew what they were signing up for when they got hired here and I'm sick and tired of hearing the summer help complain. They are all like 19 and 20 year olds anyway, what's the problem?

Well I better get going. They said I should be done with the program in 8 more days. I had to call my supervisor and put in for some PCL thing so I wouldn't use up all my sick calls. Lord knows you've got to save them for when Southwestern cancels that flight we all love so much. Tell everyone I'm helping out in the Gulf with the oil cleanup or something. I don't want them thinking I'm getting any work done, and lord knows if they find out I'm in here they will surely be gossipping in the galley. Besides, I'm not the one with the problem.
As far as the charge for the pillows and blankets go...
They never got cleaned... they had head lice... buts.... Hair... and body fluids on them... they never got cleaned...
OK.. they got cleaned once a month after five hundred ninety nine bodies used them... without showers...
so .... now you can buy a pillow and blanket... and you can take it home and wash it, or not...
but you will know you only have your own body fluids on it...
ps..
if someone pukes, or pees ... or even worse... we use the blankets to clean it up cuz we don't have nothing else inflight...
so have a blanket... at your own risk...
good luck... hope that it has no scabees... or bedbug... or lice... or ring worm!!!
 
Betty,
Floyd Called. He got stuck doing some hateful E-190 weekend Shuttle trip with something like 19 flights or something, bless his heart. He was in New York and went shopping but had a fit when he got to Abercrombie and Fitch. Seems they were closed because the store had a bedbug infestation. I saw it on CNN and couldn't believe it. I don't know how those critters have made their way to the retail strip, and, to be honest, I don't know why Floyd thinks he can shop there he's not 18 anymore. I always thought his shopping was really a way to gallavant around with the young chaps.

The program went well, but I'm thinking about giving one of the pamphlets they had to the copier guy when he orders his next round. And no, I didn't use the limes with legs. That reserve I'm working with got me some fresh ones out of coach. She seems nice but acted a little weird when I told her I don't do pre-departure drinks. I mean it's my way of saving the company a few dollars. Besides, we need to conserve the Bloody Mary mix for our debriefing.
 
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Hey Floyd,
I'm a little worried about Betty. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I saw her collecting the fruit on the plane... and I even mean the fruit that, um, has the legs...
I saw her mixing up some kind of sugary concoction and at first I thought she was making a lime-aid out of seltzer or something, but then I remembered a conversation she had with one of our preferred members last week. He happens to own some microbrew out in Indiana somewhere, and he was discussing a few basics of their brew making.
I'm think she's trying to make some kind of fermenting fiasco in the back galley. What should I do?
 
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