We Haven't Had A Joke In A While....

[BoeingBoy]

This has absolutely nothing to do with aviation, much less US Airways, so read quick - it's sure to get moved.....

How many dogs to change a lightbulb:

1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler:
Make me.

5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any,and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

14. New Zealand Sheep Dog:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

15. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

 

[Walmartgreeter]

Very old, but here goes...How many original Usair pilots to change a light bulb...1..because that is the way it has ALWAYS been done...how many Piedmont guys...3..1 to change the bulb and 2 to talk about how great the old bulb was..and my own addition..how many PSA guys...nobody knows, they keep calling in sick. Again, very old. Greeter (an equal opportunity insulter)

 

[tadjr]

Subject: 50 Signs You Have Been Working for An Airline too Long!



1. 30 dollars is too much to pay for a ticket.

2. You wait to check out at the grocery store until 10 minutes prior to closing and also wait for cashier to call you by name.

3. You own 5 staplers and use them all.

4. Instead of asking where your children are going, you ask them for their final destination.

5. You have a lifetime supply of pantyhose.

6. You refer to friends and family as "dependants" and "non-revs".

7. You load your kids into the van by row numbers and count their carry on's.

8. You can say "window or aisle" in 4 different languages.

9. You count bags instead of sheep to fall asleep.

10. It upsets you that you don't get a discount on gas when you show your badge at a convenience store.

11. You ask for first class seating at the movies.

12. You know at least 20 different ways to get to 2 cities that are 100 miles apart.

13. You point with two fingers.

14. If your doctor cancels your appointment you ask what kind of compensation you are getting.

15. You can judge the weight of a bag without lifting.

16. You can tell a pax destination by just looking at them.

17. You know the best places to sleep at all the airports.

18. You know any city by it's 3 letter airport code.

19. favorite letter of the alphabet is "E" as in E-Ticket.

20. The picture on your Id badge actually looks good.

21. Instead of house keys you try an swipe your airport id badge to get into the house.

22. The multi week trip to Europe fits in one carry on bag.

23. The bag belt is your treadmill.

24. You tell your spouse you are running late and state your ETA

25. You feel naked without a watch, name bar, and tie.

26. You bring in your personal checks to be audited.

27. If you change your appointment you write yourself a FIM

28. You require your children to sign in and out when leaving and entering the house.

29. You have a stack of discrepancies just waiting to give your kids.

30. You have seen enough mechanicals to be a mechanic.

31. If your spouse is running late for dinner and you tell him/her that you are going to time out.

32. You ask your Mary Kay rep if certain make up is FAA approved.

33. You wake up cold in the night and reach for a call button to ask for a blanket.

34. You call Dominoes every ten minutes to see if the delivery boy is running on time.

35. Your car battery is dead and you ask for an airstart.

36. Piggybacking is no longer a fun game.

37. You know the phone number of all airlines better than your own number.

38. When something bad happens to you it's an "incident" not an "accident".

39. Your kids soccer team has too many players and you ask for volunteers to play later.

40. You go to Albertson's with your Smith's card and ask if they code share.

41. After 2 FAA security questions you ask a third, "Did I already ask you the security questions?

42. When hitting on someone you ask for a confirmation number instead of a phone number.

43. You ask your kids if they have enough meal vouchers for lunch.

44. It is easier to visit relatives 3 states away than those across town.

45. You wonder if there are any grandmothers left in this world because every third pax you checked in states that their grandmother just died.

46. Your library collection consists of timetables from every airline.

47. Your fellow employees know your rank in seniority before your last name.

48. You fight with your cable guy about your service and immediately tell him he can just speak with the supervisor.

49. You are tired of walking around the mall to ask for a security guard to call a wheelchair for you.

50. Finally, you know you've worked for an airline too long when all those times the pax thought we automatically knew what they wanted is true.......

 

[SKY HIGH]

This has absolutely nothing to do with aviation, much less US Airways, so read quick - it's sure to get moved.....

Sky high states: LOL, ok, here's a current one.

How does MICHAEL JACKSON know it's bedtime?

Answer: The little hand is ON the big hand.

 

[ELP_WN_Psgr]

Like the Border Collie joke. We have Border Collies.

Re: Michael Jackson

Q: Did you hear Michael Jackson is quitting Cub Scouts?

A: Yeah, he's down to a pack a day.


Not exactly jokes, but I did not want to hijack your classy USAirways advertisment thread....but for a signigicant cultural laugh I suggest you check out the following video clips.

Link_2

Link_1

Be sure to pay close attention to the boarding process in link 2 (I sure hope they open). It's just as Bob describes.

//ELP