- Nov 21, 2003
- 205
- 0
"The Flight Before Christmas"
Author Unknown
'Twas the flight before Christmas, and all through the plane
Not a passenger stirring ... they'd all gone insane!
With departure times hung on the monitors clear,
It was hard to believe we were still sitting here!
While United's executives home, and in bed
Dreamt of nullified Pension Plans, profits...and 'Ted';
The Purser's blue kerchief ignored all the hype--
But I wondered, "Oh, where is my uniform stripe?"
When out on the tarmac, arose such a clatter
(They'd finally emptied the lavs!...Did it matter?)
Away to the jetway, I dove, in a flash!
And I screamed, "You forgot to pick up all this trash!"
The moon came and went--our legalities, too--
Being stuck on the plane...wasn't much we could do!
When what, to my flight-fatigued eyes, should appear
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer!
With a fat little driver, who looked so surreal
I suddenly recognized ol' Sara Fields!
Like a history book of concessions, they came,
As she munched 'Buy on Board,' she called each out, by name:
"Now, Tilton! Now, Goodwin! Now, Allen! And, Carty!
On, Ferris! On, Olson! C'mon, DeShon--PARTY!!!
To the top of the guard shack at WHQ!
Get your pencils and pads, kids...it's time to review:
"I've brought you all here for a friendly discourse,
On how to 'beat brow'! Lower morale! "Outsource!"
This 'discipline' ride has been good for our jobs,
It's guaranteed work for the laziest slobs!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof...
The prancing and preening of old Stephen Wolf!
As I drew in my hand, and I closed up my fist
I swung at him hard, but (Dadgummit!)...I missed
He was dressed all in fur, from his feet to his 'stache,
And his clothes were all Gucci, though covered in ash
A bag full of tricks, he had flung on his back...
Now, the cheesy street-hustler opened his pack
His beady eyes twinkled; His gaze, it was steady...
His BP1A pass was checked-in, already!
His foul little mouth was obscured by the hair
Of that seventies mustache, which (these days) is rare!
A sticky, blue paintbrush, he clenched in his teeth;
As the jet fuel distorted his hair, like a wreath
He had a few minis, and a platter of deli,
And his pockets were stuffed full of room-service jelly
He dipped and he painted, and dipped, as he said,
"I'll not see my 'livery' covered by Ted!"
He was morally bankrupt, a greasy ol' elf;
But I laughed, when I saw him, in spite of myself
Had not we last seen him abscond with our dough?
Wasn't Goodwin's bad 'merger' the END of that show?
This parade of ridiculous CEO brothers
Could easily interchange one, for another!
He sprang to his sleigh, giving Sara a whistle!
And the passengers laughed, as he slipped on a thistle--
Now, the 'idiot cast' disappeared, in the night...
Merry Christmas to All!
(...It'll All Be All right!!!)
Author Unknown
'Twas the flight before Christmas, and all through the plane
Not a passenger stirring ... they'd all gone insane!
With departure times hung on the monitors clear,
It was hard to believe we were still sitting here!
While United's executives home, and in bed
Dreamt of nullified Pension Plans, profits...and 'Ted';
The Purser's blue kerchief ignored all the hype--
But I wondered, "Oh, where is my uniform stripe?"
When out on the tarmac, arose such a clatter
(They'd finally emptied the lavs!...Did it matter?)
Away to the jetway, I dove, in a flash!
And I screamed, "You forgot to pick up all this trash!"
The moon came and went--our legalities, too--
Being stuck on the plane...wasn't much we could do!
When what, to my flight-fatigued eyes, should appear
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer!
With a fat little driver, who looked so surreal
I suddenly recognized ol' Sara Fields!
Like a history book of concessions, they came,
As she munched 'Buy on Board,' she called each out, by name:
"Now, Tilton! Now, Goodwin! Now, Allen! And, Carty!
On, Ferris! On, Olson! C'mon, DeShon--PARTY!!!
To the top of the guard shack at WHQ!
Get your pencils and pads, kids...it's time to review:
"I've brought you all here for a friendly discourse,
On how to 'beat brow'! Lower morale! "Outsource!"
This 'discipline' ride has been good for our jobs,
It's guaranteed work for the laziest slobs!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof...
The prancing and preening of old Stephen Wolf!
As I drew in my hand, and I closed up my fist
I swung at him hard, but (Dadgummit!)...I missed
He was dressed all in fur, from his feet to his 'stache,
And his clothes were all Gucci, though covered in ash
A bag full of tricks, he had flung on his back...
Now, the cheesy street-hustler opened his pack
His beady eyes twinkled; His gaze, it was steady...
His BP1A pass was checked-in, already!
His foul little mouth was obscured by the hair
Of that seventies mustache, which (these days) is rare!
A sticky, blue paintbrush, he clenched in his teeth;
As the jet fuel distorted his hair, like a wreath
He had a few minis, and a platter of deli,
And his pockets were stuffed full of room-service jelly
He dipped and he painted, and dipped, as he said,
"I'll not see my 'livery' covered by Ted!"
He was morally bankrupt, a greasy ol' elf;
But I laughed, when I saw him, in spite of myself
Had not we last seen him abscond with our dough?
Wasn't Goodwin's bad 'merger' the END of that show?
This parade of ridiculous CEO brothers
Could easily interchange one, for another!
He sprang to his sleigh, giving Sara a whistle!
And the passengers laughed, as he slipped on a thistle--
Now, the 'idiot cast' disappeared, in the night...
Merry Christmas to All!
(...It'll All Be All right!!!)
