(Got this from a friend)
TO BE A REPUBLICAN, YOU NEED TO BELIEVE:
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and
censoring the Internet.
13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
15. Supporting 'Executive Privilege' for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity).
16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.
17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
If you don't send this to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '08. Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
NEW DEMOCRATIC BUMPER STICKERS FOR '08:
1. Bush: End of an Error.
2. That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway.
3. Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First.
4. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran .
5 Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
6. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President.
7. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant.
8. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
9. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight.
10. Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blow jobs Anymore.
11. America : One Nation, Under Surveillance.
12. They Call Him 'W' So He Can Spell It.
13. Whose God Do You Kill For?
14. Jail to the Chief.
15. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq ?
16. Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap.
17. Bad President! No Banana.
18. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language.
19. We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them.
20. Is It Vietnam Yet?
21. Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either.
22. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
23. You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
24. Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too.
25. When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46.
26. Pray For Impeachment.
27. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century.
28. What Part of 'Bush Lied' Don't You Understand?
TO BE A REPUBLICAN, YOU NEED TO BELIEVE:
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and
censoring the Internet.
13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
15. Supporting 'Executive Privilege' for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity).
16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.
17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
If you don't send this to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '08. Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
NEW DEMOCRATIC BUMPER STICKERS FOR '08:
1. Bush: End of an Error.
2. That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway.
3. Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First.
4. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran .
5 Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
6. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President.
7. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant.
8. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
9. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight.
10. Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blow jobs Anymore.
11. America : One Nation, Under Surveillance.
12. They Call Him 'W' So He Can Spell It.
13. Whose God Do You Kill For?
14. Jail to the Chief.
15. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq ?
16. Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap.
17. Bad President! No Banana.
18. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language.
19. We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them.
20. Is It Vietnam Yet?
21. Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either.
22. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
23. You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
24. Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too.
25. When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46.
26. Pray For Impeachment.
27. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century.
28. What Part of 'Bush Lied' Don't You Understand?
