Republican National Convention Agenda

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Sep 30, 2002
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REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE New York, NY


6:00pm Opening Prayer led by Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30pm Pledge of Allegiance 6:35pm Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45pm Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46pm Seminar #1: Iraq Strategies-Voodoo/DooDoo WMD
7:30pm First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35pm Serve Freedom Fries
7:40pm EPA Address #1: Mercury--It's what's for dinner!
8:00pm Vote on which country to invade next
8:10pm Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15pm John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your Children!
8:30pm Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50pm Seminar #2 Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00pm Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05pm Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10pm EPA Address #2 Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30pm Break for secret meetings
10:00pm Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15pm Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30pm Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35pm Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40pm John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt 10:45pm Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46pm Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50pm Seminar #3 Education: A Drain on our Nation's Economy
11:10pm Hillary Clinton Piñata
11:20pm 2nd Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The Dangerous New Cult
11:30pm Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35pm Blame Clinton
11:40pm Laura serves milk and cookies.
11:50pm Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself, directed by Mel Gibson.
12:00pm Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
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