Received this from a friend of mine who is a UAL f/a. Definitely black humor, but...
I wondered if anyone else had seen this.
Fly til You Die Program
Many flight Attendants have expressed concern about the retirement benefits changes. Management understands these concerns and has developed this new program to assist Flight Attendants in their Golden years. The "Fly Till You Die" program will eliminate the need for retirement benefits altogether! The "Fly Till You Die" program is designed to assist Flight Attendants who are over age 75.
Benefits Include:
A handicapped parking pass for the employee lot.
Large print Flight Attendant Operations Manual.
Discounts on prescription bifocals and walkers.
Low impact senior aerobics at select layover hotels.
Up to 4 sick calls per year before disciplinary procedures begin, and up to 2 weeks un-paid leave for hip surgery or heart bypass.
Priority seating areas while waiting for crew bus and hangar elevators.
Unlimited re-takes on Annual Emergency Review, and Emergency Equipment Proficiency tests)
Gate to gate wheelchair assistance for connections under 1:45.
Un-challenged orthopedic uniform shoe exceptions.
Free shuttle service to work from your nursing home.
Expanded death benefits for Flight Attendants who expire while on duty. (Excludes deadheading and DNF's (did not fly) will still apply for remainder of unfinished trip.)
United Airlines has developed this industry-leading benefit program because we recognize the importance of our front-line employees, and appreciate your donation.
*Benefits subject to change or cancellation at any time without notice.
I wondered if anyone else had seen this.
Fly til You Die Program
Many flight Attendants have expressed concern about the retirement benefits changes. Management understands these concerns and has developed this new program to assist Flight Attendants in their Golden years. The "Fly Till You Die" program will eliminate the need for retirement benefits altogether! The "Fly Till You Die" program is designed to assist Flight Attendants who are over age 75.
Benefits Include:
A handicapped parking pass for the employee lot.
Large print Flight Attendant Operations Manual.
Discounts on prescription bifocals and walkers.
Low impact senior aerobics at select layover hotels.
Up to 4 sick calls per year before disciplinary procedures begin, and up to 2 weeks un-paid leave for hip surgery or heart bypass.
Priority seating areas while waiting for crew bus and hangar elevators.
Unlimited re-takes on Annual Emergency Review, and Emergency Equipment Proficiency tests)
Gate to gate wheelchair assistance for connections under 1:45.
Un-challenged orthopedic uniform shoe exceptions.
Free shuttle service to work from your nursing home.
Expanded death benefits for Flight Attendants who expire while on duty. (Excludes deadheading and DNF's (did not fly) will still apply for remainder of unfinished trip.)
United Airlines has developed this industry-leading benefit program because we recognize the importance of our front-line employees, and appreciate your donation.
*Benefits subject to change or cancellation at any time without notice.
