Fly Til You Die Program

jimntx

Veteran
Jun 28, 2003
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3,285
Dallas, TX
Received this from a friend of mine who is a UAL f/a. Definitely black humor, but...
I wondered if anyone else had seen this.

Fly til You Die Program
Many flight Attendants have expressed concern about the retirement benefits changes. Management understands these concerns and has developed this new program to assist Flight Attendants in their Golden years. The "Fly Till You Die" program will eliminate the need for retirement benefits altogether! The "Fly Till You Die" program is designed to assist Flight Attendants who are over age 75.

Benefits Include:

A handicapped parking pass for the employee lot.

Large print Flight Attendant Operations Manual.

Discounts on prescription bifocals and walkers.

Low impact senior aerobics at select layover hotels.

Up to 4 sick calls per year before disciplinary procedures begin, and up to 2 weeks un-paid leave for hip surgery or heart bypass.

Priority seating areas while waiting for crew bus and hangar elevators.

Unlimited re-takes on Annual Emergency Review, and Emergency Equipment Proficiency tests)

Gate to gate wheelchair assistance for connections under 1:45.

Un-challenged orthopedic uniform shoe exceptions.

Free shuttle service to work from your nursing home.

Expanded death benefits for Flight Attendants who expire while on duty. (Excludes deadheading and DNF's (did not fly) will still apply for remainder of unfinished trip.)



United Airlines has developed this industry-leading benefit program because we recognize the importance of our front-line employees, and appreciate your donation.



*Benefits subject to change or cancellation at any time without notice.
 
jimntx,

One glaring point was left out. What happens if said FA dies inflight? Is it OK to use the closet to prop her up until she can be off-loaded at an out-station and Fed-Exed home or must she wait until they pass through a hub?

And who gets her tote bag?

Dea :rolleyes:
 
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Dea Certe said:
jimntx,

One glaring point was left out. What happens if said FA dies inflight? Is it OK to use the closet to prop her up until she can be off-loaded at an out-station and Fed-Exed home or must she wait until they pass through a hub?

And who gets her tote bag?

Dea :rolleyes:
[post="270153"][/post]​

Mother Dea, I am surprised at you. I thought you knew that absolutely no one dies in flight. Too much paperwork for all concerned. There is always a "tragic incident on the jetbridge during the deplaning process." :lol:

The tote bag and its contents are distributed by seniority--per the contract. :shock:

The "still living" corpse may be propped in a closet until after landing, but may not be stacked (in case there is more than one). FARs prohibit stacking in the closets.

I don't think they would spend the money to ship the body by FedEx. The family must come to unclaimed baggage at the airport and pay normal and reasonable shipping charges. After all the dead f/a boarded the a/c without a ticket or bill of lading. Someone has to pay or it is theft of services.
 
Oh jimntx,

Of course! I guess I had another blonde/senile moment. But this does open up another round of "crew courtesty" rules as to what one should or should not carry in one's tote bag. Toe-tags thoughtfully filled out in advance of the "event" would be a good idea. I suppose the junior most "live" crew would have to be responsible for placement of the tag. :ph34r:

Details, details...the devil is always in the details!

:p

Dea
 
jimntx & Dea,

What a hoot. Thanks for the laughs. Can't wait for the pilot's version....

Jim
 
I found myself laughing out loud!!! Didn't realize that no one dies at AA either.....who would have known???? Lol

I think it's time to call Ripley's!!!!

did I tell you about the 105 year old veeeery sleep old lady? :)
 
BoeingBoy,

I had always thought the pilot's version was: "Hey you, help me get this guy outta MY seat" but times have changed, haven't they? I'm sure ALPA would have expected its late-dues (as in dead, not deliquent) payer to be accorded a place in the chiller drawer but what with the latest news from Gate Gourmet, I suppose this poses some challenges.

Don't you guys have a closet on your side of the door? :blink:

We must call our respective unions immediately and get this straightened out. Heaven forbid protocols are not followed!

:lol:

Mother Dea, who carries the weight of responsibility square on her dowager's hump
 
Fly,

Do tell us about the 105 year old sleeping lady! Was she in unform? Gives a whole new meaning to "deadheading" doesn't it? Wonder if this why US crews now only get half pay for DH's?

Dea

BTW, I much preferred your last icon. I just can't stand looking at Paris Hilton! (speaking of dead-heads)
 
BoeingBoy said:
jimntx & Dea,

What a hoot. Thanks for the laughs. Can't wait for the pilot's version....

Jim
[post="270527"][/post]​


The only problem with that one is that when he finally does terminate his employment he takes a plane load of people with him!
 
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