Joke For The Day...

[Whirlygirl]

A Newfie goes to the Doctor with potty problems....


"Dactor, it's me arse. I'd needs ya ta hava look".


So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.


"Incredible" he says, "there is a $20 note lodged up here."


Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a
$10 note appears.


This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"


"Well fur jezz sakes yank it out, bye!" shrieks the patient.


The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and
another and another and another, etc....


Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.


"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare
bye?"


The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1,990 exactly."


Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

 

[Stealthray]

I think most newfoundlander and labradorians are tired of being the "'Butt''of the joke. Watch out for the Official language commissioner she might consider it an anti-newfoundland and labrador comment

 

[LongRanger]

In one of the isolated fishing villages of Newfoundland, a Newfie's wife went into labour in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern! It seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

"Laird tunderin" said the Newf, scratching his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Ya reckon the light's attractin 'em?"

 

[Stealthray]

Shame :down: :down: :down:


More to follow

 

[LongRanger]

Stealthray....tell we yur best fishplant joke dere by'.

 

[Stealthray]

I wonder who appreciates these jokes? Why do some people feel they have to degrade themselves to be acceptable to their fellow brothers and sisters?
By now we all know the connotation of newfie. It is always used in a derisive manner and many newfoundlanders find the term to be offensive. it has nothing to do with being insecure.
It is not accecptable to tell racial jokes or to use certain derogatory term to describe other nationalities, natives or other minorities. Telling newfie jokes or using the term newfie in place of newfoundlander should also be unaccecptable ,in my opinion.
if you are not a newfoundlander, i guess we will have to try and understand your imputation . if you are, then the question should be are they laughing at you or with you? Either way is despicable

 

[Guest]

These three fellas are travelling across the Altantic by air when the captain comes on the intercom and announces that they have a dire emergency and will be attempting to ditch at sea.

The first fella he starts pealing off all his clothes to the amazement of his comrades, causing another bloke to ask why would he be doing such a silly thing.

He replies that he may need to be swimming to save himself and doesn't want to be hampered by wet clothes.

Well this sort of make sense to the others and they sit a spell, then the second fella starts to put on his friends clothes over his own. Well this has the other two in a tizzie and they ask what in heavens name are you doing.

He replies that since the Atlantic is only 5' C and if he has to be swimming he wants as much insulation as possible.

This make sense to the others and they sit a spell when a dark skinned female flight attendant walks by and to the sheer amazement of everyone around, the third fella jumps the poor woman and starts ripping at her clothes. After people pull the deranged dude off her and cable tie him to the seat they question his actions.

He replies that since all that is found after a wreck is a black box he wanted to be in it.

Hey Stealth, you could (theoretically)ask Jerry Lewis, the Marx Brothers, Charlie Chapman, Jim Carrie, etc, why they feel(felt) it necessary to degraade themselves as well.

The above joke was told to be by a Newfoundlander and the three fellas were in his words newfies. It was much funnier with his accent, due to the fact that it is different. Had I been a Newfoundlander maybe would have not been funny but doubt it.

Having worked with quite a few people from out there I can say that most had a strong work ethic, were respected by their peers and made great friends. Don't know as anyone has a negative feeling towards them by telling jokes. They are just different and people, be it right or wrong will always laugh at silly things from other cultures. I'm sure we have all heard jokes about their neighors, poking fun at them at their expense. Meanness is not good but that aside it will always be amusing to have a laugh at some silly thing here and there, watch Star Wars, they still do in the future!! Relax man we love ya.

 

[LongRanger]

Stealthray....not picking a fight here buddy, just pointing out that your views are not necessarily those of the majority!! And besides, I haven't poked fun at anyone recently!!

I wonder who appreciates these jokes?

Ah.... :huh: ...maybe everybody, Newfies included, cept you of course, if you are serious that is.

Why do some people feel they have to degrade themselves to be acceptable to their fellow brothers and sisters?

It's called charm!!

By now we all know the connotation of newfie. It is always used in a derisive manner and many newfoundlanders find the term to be offensive.

I'll wait for the final count on that one. I thought it was supposed to me included on the provincial election ballots but it must have missed the print deadline.

It is not accecptable to tell racial jokes or to use certain derogatory term to describe other nationalities, natives or other minorities. Telling newfie jokes or using the term newfie in place of newfoundlander should also be unaccecptable ,in my opinion.

That actually depends on who tells the joke and how they deliver it...

if you are not a newfoundlander, i guess we will have to try and understand your imputation . if you are, then the question should be are they laughing at you or with you?

I are one by'. Am also a worried one, been living on the mainland for 5 years and in dire need of reculturing. Running out of Newfie jokes!!

Either way is despicable

You can't be serious Stealthray. Do tell we you are having fun as well.... If you're not maybe it's time to loosen' up by' and have a laugh with the rest of we sick Newfoundlanders!! Mu gut tells me that you are kidding and just trying to pump up your posts to upgrade your membership status!!

Here's annuder one...

A pompous Preacher was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to Toronto. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Newfie asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."

 

[helicopper]

a newfie's just an oirishman that could swim!!!!
... an' may god bless 'em all!

o'mulligan
hepac2

 

[twotter]

You folks are killing me!!!

Some of us just need to learn not to take things so seriously when they are meant for humour..

Cheers all

 

[Swamp Donkey]

Lighten up Stealthray.

The Newfie that wrote all the Newfie joke books I have might come looking for you for cutting into his sales!

So this Newfie was riding his bike one day and was getting so tired he decided to hitch-hike.
Along came a Torontonian in a Corvette and stopped. "I can't get your bike in here, but I have a piece of rope to give you a tow. I'll hook you up, and if I go too fast, ring your bell and I'll slow down!"
"Be great, bye" says the Newfie, and so away they go.
Few miles down the road a Camaro pulls up beside the Corvette, and the Torontonian forgetting about the Newf, motions for a race.
A few more miles down the road sit a Newfoundland Constabulary car.
The Corvette and Camaro go roaring past with the Newfie in hot pursuit.
The Constable calls it in.
"Dispatch...you're not gonna believe this one! I've got a Corvette and a Camaro speeding...but there's a newfie behind them on a bike ringing his bell for them to move over so he can pass"

 

[Guest]

LongrRanger

Stealthray....not picking a fight here buddy, just pointing out that your views are not necessarily those of the majority!! And besides, I haven't poked fun at anyone recently!!
Don' t need a fight,not fond of pain. oh you meant words
CTD
RDM
Whirygirl
I didn't realize longRanger was your pesonnal spoke person

You can't be serious Stealthray. Do tell we you are having fun as well.... If you're not maybe it's time to loosen' up by' and have a laugh with the rest of we sick Newfoundlanders!! Mu gut tells me that you are kidding and just trying to pump up your posts to upgrade your membership status!! :up
i didn't realize there was a contest for the most posts. Thanks for the inside scoop
enjoy the rest of your day

 

[Stealthray]

let's see if it's right this time
finger just a tad quicker than the noggen
LongrRanger

Stealthray....not picking a fight here buddy, just pointing out that your views are not necessarily those of the majority!! And besides, I haven't poked fun at anyone recently!! end of quote.

Don' t need a fight,not fond of pain. oh you meant words
CTD
RDM
Whirygirl
I didn't realize longRanger was your pesonnal spoke person

You can't be serious Stealthray. Do tell we you are having fun as well.... If you're not maybe it's time to loosen' up by' and have a laugh with the rest of we sick Newfoundlanders!! Mu gut tells me that you are kidding and just trying to pump up your posts to upgrade your membership status!! :up end of quote


I didn't realize there was a contest for the most posts. Thanks for the inside scoop
enjoy the rest of your day

 

[Whirlygirl]

HUH? :huh:
so what's your point stealth? You're not making a heck of a lot of sense.

 

[Charles W.]

Did you know that when Canada celebrated its centennial Newfoundland put a kid through grade eight to celebrate?

And an IQ of 140 in Newfoundland is a villiage....

And I know a lot of real good ones but if I were to post them Kyle would ban me..

And did you know that when it comes to being the target of sick jokes I am really a victim because I'm a Newfie that is part savage ( Mic Mac )as well, and I can still laugh at myself.....

Rev. Chas W.