Can't remember where I got this.... but I've had it for over a year... I think its time to update it!
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Which USAirways Employee are you?
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Non-Rev Nick
Works on the ramp at a hub/focus city (usually PHL, DCA or LGA). Non-revs so often through your city that you wonder if he ever actually works. He just barely makes the coach dress code, know you by first name and tries to keep you talking about the bars in your city while the check-in line gets longer and longer. Always manages to get a seat on oversold flights.
OTP Peter
Will do anything to get the flight out ontime. Yells at passengers, crews and co-workers to hustle. When he is at the gate, flights always push at least 7 minutes early. He will infringe on another labor group’s CBA if that’s what it takes to dispatch ‘his’ flight on-time.
By The Book Bill
Has at least 30 years seniority yet is paranoid about being fired. He collects the standby fees on SSTs, makes photocopies of his work reports and will never use a waiver code. A CSS is always called over to complete any unusual transactions. Is paranoid that other agents are working under his sine.
Kiosk Kim
Usually one of the least senior CSAs in the station, yet is convinced that sending pax to kiosks will save her job. She will send 90 year olds, U.M.s and straight-backs to the kiosks. She blames failed kiosk check-ins on the passengers often scolding them aloud.
Smoking Suzie
30 something FA that always works coach galley on the 737-300. As soon as the last pax deplanes she runs down to Ops to sneak in a quick cigarette. She knows the jetway-door codes by heart in every station, and usually the rampers greet her by name. Her uniform was clearly altered to contour around her bosom and her hair always looks disheveled.
Write You Up Wanda
The most senior agent in the station. Wanda’s uniform is too tight and she occasionally mixes in some of the old USAir articles into the current uniform. Was a supervisor at one of the old carriers PSA/Allegheny or Piedmont. She will write you up for anything, not realizing that no one has cared about anything for years now. One minute late, she’ll write you up. Take too long to check in an international, she’ll write you up. Everyone hates her.
DIALNET Diane
Whenever your line at the BSO or counter is out the door, the DIALNET rings and its Diane. You don’t know her, and you’re sure she is a really nice person, and you feel guilty telling her you don’t have the time to chat. She’s usually calling from a res center and has an obscure station related question or baggage issue, but she also wants the ‘dish; on what’s going on in your station. You’d love to chat, but just don’t have the time.
PACER Patty
Patty is still in denial about the SABRE switchover. She still uses her SABRE notes which amazes you because she was such a pro with PACER. She was out for a 3 month stress leave after SABRE switchover training. Every time she checks a passenger in, she mumbles aloud about how much better pacer was.
Edith from Eastern
Got a job at USAir the day Eastern shutdown. She still can’t believe it happened, and continues to reminisce about the gold ole days of L1011s and A300s.
Real Estate Randy
Usually a mainline CAPT/FO but sometimes a CSA. Tells everyone about his real estate business and hands out cards to every one he meets on his trip. Randy feels superior that he is protected with another job if the company flops.
Silver Preferred Merv
Merv usually flies between your station and LGA/FLL/PBI/PVD. He always wears gold chains and freaks out when there’s a twenty-minute delay. He only wants a seat in first. Whenever you look at his file you notice waiver codes from completely unrelated stations and $125 fares. He always asks for you to ‘do him a favor’…..
Elizabeth Express
At 18 left high school to become a flight attendant. She thinks MESA is US Airways…she sees no difference, it’s all the same to her. Gets giggly when an 18k/year MESA F/O asks her back to his hotel room
Don't Look At Me L'toya
Works Terminal F gates in PHL. L'toya makes no boarding announcements just opens the jetway door. Huge braided hair and long intricately designed nails. Took the initiative to wear a gold chain belt and huge gold hoop earrings to enhance the appearance of the uniform. Has a group of guys from the express ramp come to the podium to pull tickets and 'on' for her and then has them drive her to McDonald's in A-West. Refuses to look pax in the eyes and only answers with 'mmmmmhmmm' or 'oh no you're not'. Grown men and women fear her. Oversales and delays are not pretty when L’toya is working your gate.
Displacement Dan
In his late forties, overweight and has been displaced seven times within the last five years. He's convinced that USAir is going to support him for the rest of his life and is convinced that "the airlines" will restore their pension plans before it's time for him to retire. He has no friends since he lives for the company. He picks up extra shifts at straight time from part-timers on Christmas/New Years/4th of July because he has nowhere else to go.
Straight-Back Steve
Always assisting disabled passengers. Walks away from his workstation to push wheelchairs. He has been written up by management for proactively offering wheelchair assistance. He scans the SS list for every flight inbound/outbound hoping to find a straight-back to assist.
Sky-Cap Charlie
When Charlie appears with a mountain of luggage and a family of fifteen he always expects you to let his pax jump to the front of the line. For his outstanding service he's always rewarded with at least a twenty and you're stuck with either a misconnect/reissue or LTA for half an hour.
Special Services Stan
Stan bids only Special Services. He sits reading his USA Today all morning only to take his lunch and breaks when the first bank of flights arrives. By the time the second bank of flights come in he is gone home on VTO.
Deaf Denny 25+ years as a Mechanic.
Probably ex-Eastern or Trump. Yells at you when having a normal conversation cause he is deaf from 25+ years on the line.
Safety Nazi Nancy
A F/A who doesn't let anyone -- passenger or fellow crew -- do anything because it is a "safety violation" and "against FAA regs." Hands out laminated wallet-sized cards in briefings with the FAA "Interference with Crewmembers" language and wants everyone else to whip it out and read it out loud if a passenger dares not comply with her crazy rules (yes I have seen this happen).
Wanna use the FC lav? Nope; FAA regs say Y passengers have to use the Y lavs.
Can you help me with my bag? Nope; safety violation; I might hurt my back and worker's comp won't cover me.
Can I trade seats with someone? Nope; security violation; we have to know where everyone is sitting according to their boarding passes.
Just Doing My Job Judy
Has a guilty look on her face whenever she interacts with passengers, and adds "I'm just doing my job" to the end of every sentence. "Sir that ticket will cost $1246, don't blame me I'm just doing my job". "Sir you bag weighs 99lbs so I'm going to have to charge you excess. Not my fault, just doing my job."
Fly Guy Fred
Usually a F/O on a narrow body aircraft. Obvious bulge always visible from tight uniform pants. Flirts with women and men alike, every comment he makes has a sexual connotation. He was dismissed from his first job at a commuter in the 80s for sexual harassment. Wears his epaulets to the hotel bars on layovers.
How Dare You Helen
Helen is a fifty something year old F/A that acts insulted when the agent asks if she is ready to board. Helen stands in the F/C galley during boarding offering no assistance and gives all carryons a double take. Scolds the agent when they come down to close the flight for allowing oversized carryons and threatens to write them up while she's gulping down a bottle of water from F/C. Stands with her arms folded and an exhausted look on her face as you close the A/C door.
Transplant Tony:
Bottom reserve Captain stationed in LGA. Is the "Cliff Claven" of US Airways (knows it all....not) Real company brown-noser; bends over like a Cirque du Soleil acrobat to keep butt close to management. Keeps hat on to cover bald spot on head. Hair transplant surgery just couldn't stop time. Is usually broke because he's on wife number 3. Must depend on in-laws to support new wifes big house lifestyle.
Pathetic Patrick
In his early sixties but only has middle of the road seniority. Died his hair from grey to yellow to emulate Seth the Go Fares Guy, thinking that was totally rad. Patrick tries to impress the stoners and spring break crown traveling to CUN with anecdotes about his college road trips to BUF in the 60's. Uses corny, inappropriate humor when making announcements thinking that everybody loves it. Aspires to one day be a “Service Superstarâ€
INVOL Ingrid
Never learned TIPS automated reissues because she was on FMLA during the training sessions. Processes everything with the only ticketing entry she knows: W:EXCH:INVOL ...need to change the return date on your ticket? W:EXCH:INVOL ....want to upgrade your flight? W:EXCH:INVOL....need to exchange an RTFC? W:EXCH:INVOL... The station trainers avoid her because they don't quite understand automated reissues themselves.
Offline Olga
You're traveling to CLT via PHL and you're flights delayed twelve minutes? Not a problem, Olga will protect you offline on AA/NW/CO. Thinks she is doing everyone in the station a favor by 'getting rid of the headaches'. Don't try to point out that she could have put them on a non-stop leaving in 45 minutes to CLT on US, because she will get defensive and point out that the flight on US is booked heavy and might go into oversales (booked 105/126).
PSA Paul
"Boy you sure cant get good produce out here I haven’t had a good avocado since I left California!" Back in California we had __________(just fill in the blank).
Piedmont Patty
We were the best airline ever. USAir just ruined us. I wish it were the old days again. I remember when___________(fill in the blank).
USAirways Ursula
We never should have bought PSA and Piedmont. We were doing just fine without them. Ed Colodny knew how to run an airline!
Flight Is Full Frank
Doesn't matter what you ask Frank his response to everything is: the flight is full. Frank you want to go on break now? "Right now? But the flight is full." Can I change my seat to a window? Frank doesn't even bat an eye before he says "No. The flight is full." Is the flight on time? "Well the flight is full." Frank you want to do the arrival? "OK, but the flight is full!"
OA Annie
Annie's husband works for another airline (usually AA/UA or DL). You wonder what the hell she is doing at USAir, since she goes on breaks with the girls from Delta, has no friends at US and when she does talk to her coworkers its always about the BBQs and weddings of her friends at other airlines. When she works counter she will take the furthest position, the one that is adjacent to the neighboring carrier and will chat with their employees for her whole shift. She knows all the dirt on everyone else in the airport (their divorces, financial problems, etc...) but knows nothing about the people she has worked with for 20 years!
Starbucks Stephanie
Always bitching about the concessions, yet is always seen sipping a $5 Starbucks Caramel Macchiato at her workstation. The Baristas greet her by name and you feel worthless when you order just a drip coffee when you go for coffee with her. Talks your ear off about not being able to pay her electric bill, but then brags about spending $15 per shift at Starbucks!
America West Amanda
Seniority date: September, 2004 Already wears an America West lanyard and native American jewelry to work. All she talks about is how wonderful the merger is, how much of a hottie that Doug Parker is and how she can't wait to vacation in Phoenix. In the lunch room she smothers her McRib sandwich with a COSTCO sized bottle of HP sauce that she now carries in her purse.
Chairmans Preferred Charlie
Spends more time on US Airways planes than he does at home. Has built up an immunity to the various fungi living within the center armrest of B737-400s. Charlie doesn’t bat an eye or even look up from his newspaper when a three hour Philly weather delay is announced or when a magnificent flying machine like N391US jerks to one side on take-off. His carry-on always fits, and he spends boarding chatting with the flight attendants about the seat art he saw on the back of 2D on N522AU last Tuesday. Takeoff rolls in excess of 45 seconds in lightly loaded 737s no longer frighten him. He doesn’t know liquor comes in sizes other than minis, has never actually seen much of Charlotte other than the US Club, and has been featured in Deb Thompson’s “Your Fault†at least twice
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Which USAirways Employee are you?
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Non-Rev Nick
Works on the ramp at a hub/focus city (usually PHL, DCA or LGA). Non-revs so often through your city that you wonder if he ever actually works. He just barely makes the coach dress code, know you by first name and tries to keep you talking about the bars in your city while the check-in line gets longer and longer. Always manages to get a seat on oversold flights.
OTP Peter
Will do anything to get the flight out ontime. Yells at passengers, crews and co-workers to hustle. When he is at the gate, flights always push at least 7 minutes early. He will infringe on another labor group’s CBA if that’s what it takes to dispatch ‘his’ flight on-time.
By The Book Bill
Has at least 30 years seniority yet is paranoid about being fired. He collects the standby fees on SSTs, makes photocopies of his work reports and will never use a waiver code. A CSS is always called over to complete any unusual transactions. Is paranoid that other agents are working under his sine.
Kiosk Kim
Usually one of the least senior CSAs in the station, yet is convinced that sending pax to kiosks will save her job. She will send 90 year olds, U.M.s and straight-backs to the kiosks. She blames failed kiosk check-ins on the passengers often scolding them aloud.
Smoking Suzie
30 something FA that always works coach galley on the 737-300. As soon as the last pax deplanes she runs down to Ops to sneak in a quick cigarette. She knows the jetway-door codes by heart in every station, and usually the rampers greet her by name. Her uniform was clearly altered to contour around her bosom and her hair always looks disheveled.
Write You Up Wanda
The most senior agent in the station. Wanda’s uniform is too tight and she occasionally mixes in some of the old USAir articles into the current uniform. Was a supervisor at one of the old carriers PSA/Allegheny or Piedmont. She will write you up for anything, not realizing that no one has cared about anything for years now. One minute late, she’ll write you up. Take too long to check in an international, she’ll write you up. Everyone hates her.
DIALNET Diane
Whenever your line at the BSO or counter is out the door, the DIALNET rings and its Diane. You don’t know her, and you’re sure she is a really nice person, and you feel guilty telling her you don’t have the time to chat. She’s usually calling from a res center and has an obscure station related question or baggage issue, but she also wants the ‘dish; on what’s going on in your station. You’d love to chat, but just don’t have the time.
PACER Patty
Patty is still in denial about the SABRE switchover. She still uses her SABRE notes which amazes you because she was such a pro with PACER. She was out for a 3 month stress leave after SABRE switchover training. Every time she checks a passenger in, she mumbles aloud about how much better pacer was.
Edith from Eastern
Got a job at USAir the day Eastern shutdown. She still can’t believe it happened, and continues to reminisce about the gold ole days of L1011s and A300s.
Real Estate Randy
Usually a mainline CAPT/FO but sometimes a CSA. Tells everyone about his real estate business and hands out cards to every one he meets on his trip. Randy feels superior that he is protected with another job if the company flops.
Silver Preferred Merv
Merv usually flies between your station and LGA/FLL/PBI/PVD. He always wears gold chains and freaks out when there’s a twenty-minute delay. He only wants a seat in first. Whenever you look at his file you notice waiver codes from completely unrelated stations and $125 fares. He always asks for you to ‘do him a favor’…..
Elizabeth Express
At 18 left high school to become a flight attendant. She thinks MESA is US Airways…she sees no difference, it’s all the same to her. Gets giggly when an 18k/year MESA F/O asks her back to his hotel room
Don't Look At Me L'toya
Works Terminal F gates in PHL. L'toya makes no boarding announcements just opens the jetway door. Huge braided hair and long intricately designed nails. Took the initiative to wear a gold chain belt and huge gold hoop earrings to enhance the appearance of the uniform. Has a group of guys from the express ramp come to the podium to pull tickets and 'on' for her and then has them drive her to McDonald's in A-West. Refuses to look pax in the eyes and only answers with 'mmmmmhmmm' or 'oh no you're not'. Grown men and women fear her. Oversales and delays are not pretty when L’toya is working your gate.
Displacement Dan
In his late forties, overweight and has been displaced seven times within the last five years. He's convinced that USAir is going to support him for the rest of his life and is convinced that "the airlines" will restore their pension plans before it's time for him to retire. He has no friends since he lives for the company. He picks up extra shifts at straight time from part-timers on Christmas/New Years/4th of July because he has nowhere else to go.
Straight-Back Steve
Always assisting disabled passengers. Walks away from his workstation to push wheelchairs. He has been written up by management for proactively offering wheelchair assistance. He scans the SS list for every flight inbound/outbound hoping to find a straight-back to assist.
Sky-Cap Charlie
When Charlie appears with a mountain of luggage and a family of fifteen he always expects you to let his pax jump to the front of the line. For his outstanding service he's always rewarded with at least a twenty and you're stuck with either a misconnect/reissue or LTA for half an hour.
Special Services Stan
Stan bids only Special Services. He sits reading his USA Today all morning only to take his lunch and breaks when the first bank of flights arrives. By the time the second bank of flights come in he is gone home on VTO.
Deaf Denny 25+ years as a Mechanic.
Probably ex-Eastern or Trump. Yells at you when having a normal conversation cause he is deaf from 25+ years on the line.
Safety Nazi Nancy
A F/A who doesn't let anyone -- passenger or fellow crew -- do anything because it is a "safety violation" and "against FAA regs." Hands out laminated wallet-sized cards in briefings with the FAA "Interference with Crewmembers" language and wants everyone else to whip it out and read it out loud if a passenger dares not comply with her crazy rules (yes I have seen this happen).
Wanna use the FC lav? Nope; FAA regs say Y passengers have to use the Y lavs.
Can you help me with my bag? Nope; safety violation; I might hurt my back and worker's comp won't cover me.
Can I trade seats with someone? Nope; security violation; we have to know where everyone is sitting according to their boarding passes.
Just Doing My Job Judy
Has a guilty look on her face whenever she interacts with passengers, and adds "I'm just doing my job" to the end of every sentence. "Sir that ticket will cost $1246, don't blame me I'm just doing my job". "Sir you bag weighs 99lbs so I'm going to have to charge you excess. Not my fault, just doing my job."
Fly Guy Fred
Usually a F/O on a narrow body aircraft. Obvious bulge always visible from tight uniform pants. Flirts with women and men alike, every comment he makes has a sexual connotation. He was dismissed from his first job at a commuter in the 80s for sexual harassment. Wears his epaulets to the hotel bars on layovers.
How Dare You Helen
Helen is a fifty something year old F/A that acts insulted when the agent asks if she is ready to board. Helen stands in the F/C galley during boarding offering no assistance and gives all carryons a double take. Scolds the agent when they come down to close the flight for allowing oversized carryons and threatens to write them up while she's gulping down a bottle of water from F/C. Stands with her arms folded and an exhausted look on her face as you close the A/C door.
Transplant Tony:
Bottom reserve Captain stationed in LGA. Is the "Cliff Claven" of US Airways (knows it all....not) Real company brown-noser; bends over like a Cirque du Soleil acrobat to keep butt close to management. Keeps hat on to cover bald spot on head. Hair transplant surgery just couldn't stop time. Is usually broke because he's on wife number 3. Must depend on in-laws to support new wifes big house lifestyle.
Pathetic Patrick
In his early sixties but only has middle of the road seniority. Died his hair from grey to yellow to emulate Seth the Go Fares Guy, thinking that was totally rad. Patrick tries to impress the stoners and spring break crown traveling to CUN with anecdotes about his college road trips to BUF in the 60's. Uses corny, inappropriate humor when making announcements thinking that everybody loves it. Aspires to one day be a “Service Superstarâ€
INVOL Ingrid
Never learned TIPS automated reissues because she was on FMLA during the training sessions. Processes everything with the only ticketing entry she knows: W:EXCH:INVOL ...need to change the return date on your ticket? W:EXCH:INVOL ....want to upgrade your flight? W:EXCH:INVOL....need to exchange an RTFC? W:EXCH:INVOL... The station trainers avoid her because they don't quite understand automated reissues themselves.
Offline Olga
You're traveling to CLT via PHL and you're flights delayed twelve minutes? Not a problem, Olga will protect you offline on AA/NW/CO. Thinks she is doing everyone in the station a favor by 'getting rid of the headaches'. Don't try to point out that she could have put them on a non-stop leaving in 45 minutes to CLT on US, because she will get defensive and point out that the flight on US is booked heavy and might go into oversales (booked 105/126).
PSA Paul
"Boy you sure cant get good produce out here I haven’t had a good avocado since I left California!" Back in California we had __________(just fill in the blank).
Piedmont Patty
We were the best airline ever. USAir just ruined us. I wish it were the old days again. I remember when___________(fill in the blank).
USAirways Ursula
We never should have bought PSA and Piedmont. We were doing just fine without them. Ed Colodny knew how to run an airline!
Flight Is Full Frank
Doesn't matter what you ask Frank his response to everything is: the flight is full. Frank you want to go on break now? "Right now? But the flight is full." Can I change my seat to a window? Frank doesn't even bat an eye before he says "No. The flight is full." Is the flight on time? "Well the flight is full." Frank you want to do the arrival? "OK, but the flight is full!"
OA Annie
Annie's husband works for another airline (usually AA/UA or DL). You wonder what the hell she is doing at USAir, since she goes on breaks with the girls from Delta, has no friends at US and when she does talk to her coworkers its always about the BBQs and weddings of her friends at other airlines. When she works counter she will take the furthest position, the one that is adjacent to the neighboring carrier and will chat with their employees for her whole shift. She knows all the dirt on everyone else in the airport (their divorces, financial problems, etc...) but knows nothing about the people she has worked with for 20 years!
Starbucks Stephanie
Always bitching about the concessions, yet is always seen sipping a $5 Starbucks Caramel Macchiato at her workstation. The Baristas greet her by name and you feel worthless when you order just a drip coffee when you go for coffee with her. Talks your ear off about not being able to pay her electric bill, but then brags about spending $15 per shift at Starbucks!
America West Amanda
Seniority date: September, 2004 Already wears an America West lanyard and native American jewelry to work. All she talks about is how wonderful the merger is, how much of a hottie that Doug Parker is and how she can't wait to vacation in Phoenix. In the lunch room she smothers her McRib sandwich with a COSTCO sized bottle of HP sauce that she now carries in her purse.
Chairmans Preferred Charlie
Spends more time on US Airways planes than he does at home. Has built up an immunity to the various fungi living within the center armrest of B737-400s. Charlie doesn’t bat an eye or even look up from his newspaper when a three hour Philly weather delay is announced or when a magnificent flying machine like N391US jerks to one side on take-off. His carry-on always fits, and he spends boarding chatting with the flight attendants about the seat art he saw on the back of 2D on N522AU last Tuesday. Takeoff rolls in excess of 45 seconds in lightly loaded 737s no longer frighten him. He doesn’t know liquor comes in sizes other than minis, has never actually seen much of Charlotte other than the US Club, and has been featured in Deb Thompson’s “Your Fault†at least twice
OMG...hilarious!! 
