Dear Flight Crew

[InternationalShannon]

Dear flight crew,

I'm really sorry that I didn't get your paperwork to you, but I swear the printer wouldnt work. I ran to 5 different computers.

I have good news for you though! Im one of like four people who knows how to list you for the jumpseat! And you know what else?

I know that you work so, so hard and never get to eat, so I will never bother you about boarding early .

Don't worry, I'll walk that release down to you, since the dispatch system is sabre based, the information is there, it's just the 1965 printer that I have trouble negotiating with.

Also, I don't mind pushing wheelchairs, but I'm usually by myself at the gate, so I have to get the wheelchair last.

You know what? I'll even hassle catering to hurry up and sign off the security sheet because you hate waiting to get on that airplane only to hear me begging you to board five minutes later.

I'm really sorry about those seat dupes, though, it's like about to be one of the wonders of the world.

I will never overhead page you if your inbound is late and we're waiting for you to board.

I always rearrange your hangers in the closet in envoy before you get onboard.


So, just a little suckup message, with lots of love, from me to you.

I heart you.

Now, do you have any of that.....oh wait...I think my supervisor is reading this.......we'll talk in the jetway

Did I tell you how amazingly handsome you all are going to look in your new uniforms?

And speaking of handsome, you should see my supervisor....WOOOOO!!!



Allright, I think i've sucked up enough for this afternoon. Time to get ready for work. If I still have a job. Hello, corporate communication. My, my, red is such a good skin tone for you? What? You want me in your office? But...but!! I was kidding!!! I didnt take crew juice!! It's all a joke!! Tell them Gloria!!!

We are just playing on the site!! I made it all up!! Oh no, not another leve 1!!! *sob*

Kiss kiiss!!

Your biggest fan,
ME

 

[YVINTERN]

Uhmm...Have you been to the EAS/EAP lately Shannon? You need to see some professional help!

 

[InternationalShannon]

Uhmm...Have you been to the EAS/EAP lately Shannon? You need to see some professional help!

shouldnt have given me all that ....fermented grapey stuff......it's the equivalent of drunk and dialing...

speaking of drunk n dial....

res is getting really tired of you calling and asking about what aircraft is flying to smf and then the creepy silence and rustling around that follows.....

just a word of advice.

kiss kiss!!

 

[philly rocks]

Dear Flight Crew,

No the printers do not work so just go on down the jetway and when I run to 10 different gates I will run the paperwork down to you.
No, I don't know how to list jumpseats.
Weight restricted flight? Lets just keep the baggage on the aircraft while I remove 20 passengers from the flight.
No, I cannot help you right now sir but I will get one of my 100 managers to assist you while I board straightbacks, wheelchairs, unaccompanied minors the elderly and finally all the passengers. I may have to run down the jetway and leave my podium because I must tag the carry-ons that don't fit on the aircraft. Oh yes sir, your carry-on is checked but because of weight restrictions you won't be able to travel until tomorrow morning.
Now, now it will be alright but you will have to wait in baggage service because the airport is now closing and there are no hotel rooms available anywhere. But, here is a comment card to fill out. Once completed just pop it in the nearest mailbox and we will address all your issues in about 6 months.

 

[pilot]

Company policy states the agent will bring the paperwork to the jet. That's not the flight crew's fault. The workload the company has put upon you is not the flight crew's fault. That workload is BS from the time you sign into the computer for the flight.

To stop this BS the flight crews and the agents need to do their jobs precisely as the company wishes them to do it. Regardless of how long it takes or how late the flight is in pushing back. Only when this happens will this BS stop.

Do not expect any pilot to get his own paperwork. We'll be perfectly happy to wait until you have the time to get it to us. When you get a chance. Then we'll do our preflight preparation when those papers arrive and be on our way. Maybe late, maybe not.

Frankly, I could care less if the flight leaves on time. With the agent workload I don't know how any flight leaves on time. Do your job folks. And not anything other than your job.

 

[USCREW]

Dear flight crew,
Hi Shannon
I'm really sorry that I didn't get your paperwork to you, but I swear the printer wouldnt work. I ran to 5 different computers.
I believe you.
I have good news for you though! Im one of like four people who knows how to list you for the jumpseat! And you know what else?
Can I put your cell on speed-dial?
I know that you work so, so hard and never get to eat, so I will never bother you about boarding early .
That's good since we will continue eating anyway.
Don't worry, I'll walk that release down to you, since the dispatch system is sabre based, the information is there, it's just the 1965 printer that I have trouble negotiating with.
I wasn't worried, but thanks anyway.
Also, I don't mind pushing wheelchairs, but I'm usually by myself at the gate, so I have to get the wheelchair last.
Junior will wait for you.
You know what? I'll even hassle catering to hurry up and sign off the security sheet because you hate waiting to get on that airplane only to hear me begging you to board five minutes later.
We're still eating Shannon.
I'm really sorry about those seat dupes, though, it's like about to be one of the wonders of the world.
That's okay, I'm sure that you will come down and take care of it.
I will never overhead page you if your inbound is late and we're waiting for you to board.
Thanks. I hate hearing my name mispronounced over the PA.
I always rearrange your hangers in the closet in envoy before you get onboard.
What closet?
So, just a little suckup message, with lots of love, from me to you.
:huh:
I heart you.
I 'coronary' you too.
Now, do you have any of that.....oh wait...I think my supervisor is reading this.......we'll talk in the jetway
I will put only one foot on the jetway--rules you know...
Did I tell you how amazingly handsome you all are going to look in your new uniforms?
I would love to see the uniforms myself. <_<
And speaking of handsome, you should see my supervisor....WOOOOO!!!
We need to get you out more.

Allright, I think i've sucked up enough for this afternoon. Time to get ready for work. If I still have a job. Hello, corporate communication. My, my, red is such a good skin tone for you? What? You want me in your office? But...but!! I was kidding!!! I didnt take crew juice!! It's all a joke!! Tell them Gloria!!!

We are just playing on the site!! I made it all up!! Oh no, not another leve 1!!! *sob*

Kiss kiiss!!

Your biggest fan,
ME

 

[N965VJ]

I think I’ll head on over to the Sea Shell and have one (ONE!) of what Shannon’s been knocking back all day.

Maybe while I’m there I can find out why the Big Announcement that was supposed to happen yesterday never took place.

 

[US1YFARE]

I think I’ll head on over to the Sea Shell and have one (ONE!) of what Shannon’s been knocking back all day.

Maybe while I’m there I can find out why the Big Announcement that was supposed to happen yesterday never took place.

I told Gloria that we shouldn't have given Shannon the whole clamshell.

 

[leprechaun]

Company policy states the agent will bring the paperwork to the jet.

Is that right, funny I've never seen that. It must be nice to be so important, to yourself.

 

[InternationalShannon]

Frankly, I could care less if the flight leaves on time. With the agent workload I don't know how any flight leaves on time. Do your job folks. And not anything other than your job.

RRRAWWRRR!!!! You speaketh, I doeth!! Thanks for straightening that out for me, sunshineface! kiss kiss!

 

[InternationalShannon]

I told Gloria that we shouldn't have given Shannon the whole clamshell.

I am allergic to shellfish, thanks I'll take that wine though. That goes good with bubblebaths. Do you have any snack boxes left? That cheese is fandamntastic!!!

 

[InternationalShannon]

Oh, yes we do need to get me out more, are you done eating yet?

 

[InternationalShannon]

Uhmm...Have you been to the EAS/EAP lately Shannon? You need to see some professional help!

I know....it took three weeks to get over that time they accidently shut me on board the lgw flight. of course it didnt push back because I know better but half the pax within earshot laughed, the others looked torn between confused and annoyed and the flight attendants told me no more kool aide.

I have a very irrational fear of being locked up and forgotton on board fixing some seat dupe and getting sent downline WITHOUT MY PURSE OR CELL!!!!

Is this normal Dr ? Oh wait. Intern what are you doing here? how did you do that? Where's Dr. Spock?

Can you hand me that water bottle over there. YES IT IS WATER!! WHAT THE CRAP!! YOURE SO JUDGEY!!

 

[YVINTERN]

Oh I'm sorry I closed the door on you...Massa Parker was screaming at me about OTP and I just slammed the door in...ate the snack boxes and drank the clamshell then broke down and cried for mommy...I'm so glad you opened the door *hiccups*

 

[InternationalShannon]

Oh I'm sorry I closed the door on you...Massa Parker was screaming at me about OTP and I just slammed the door in...ate the snack boxes and drank the clamshell then broke down and cried for mommy...I'm so glad you opened the door *hiccups*

Don't ever do that again!! Not funny!! BAD INTERN!! BAD!!!
I'm so mad at you im gonna go throw your ticket out of sync and direct you to some new hires on domestics. You'll be stuck all day.

Try that again. I'll one up you suckaaaa.