My oh my, if it isn't our good friend Mr. Cramden. I see you've taken a drawn out 6 month vacation to lick your wounds from the LCC/DAL hostile takeover attempt, of which you were so well informed by your "favorite New York investment banker". You Mr. Cramden are a woefully perverted glutton and a dastardly, simple-minded toll on the nerves of those with good taste and decency. However, for old times sake, i'd like to give everybody a hilarious look back at some of Mr. Cramden's "inside information" rants when it came to the LCC/DAL merger.
"There is a board rift at Delta, Mr. ralphcramden can confirm for you, and it is getting wider. The outside directors, successful business executives in their own right, have been hearing it from the creditors, and in spades. Their situation has only been made worse by the disastrous public rallies and cultish buffoonery recently on display in Hapeville. These embarrassing free-for-alls have been met by disbelief at the financial institutions, and the Delta leaderships’ already low standing has plummeted to Tom Cruise-like levels. The friends of Mr. ralphcramden report that the freakish hysterics have inspired a freshet of email jokes and derision on the Street, while cementing the perception that current Delta management is obtuse, a bit odd, and utterly incapable of executing a successful stand-alone turn around."-brilliant!!! couldn't have been more off base
But wait, there's more,
"In his last communicade, Mr. ralphcramden revealed exclusively that a rift has developed within the DALRQ board. Tonight, Mr. ralphcramden can state that several members of the board have taken a firm position with Mr. Gerald Grinstein that the LCC proposal deserves full consideration, up to and including an agreement allowing LCC to conduct due dilgence in the matter. These board members are not taking a pro-deal position per se, but have rejected the “Just Say No†position of Mr. Grinstein, CEO of the struggling, Hapeville-based carrier."
And lest we forget this jewel,
"The growing company of “cramden enthusiasts†were, of course, among the first in on the joke as the “old media†missed yet another interesting subplot. Loyal readers will recall that the business press was caught unawares as an innocuous comment by JetBlue Airlines (JBLU) CEO David Neeleman became the “story†that JBLU would be interested only in gates at DCA and LGA in the impending Delta (DALRQ) fragmentation. How wrong they were!"
Mr. ralphcramden, who alone reported that the suave executive “wants in, and in a big way,†can now reveal the following. JetBlue Airlines (JBLU) is covetous of a package of gates and facilities at a number of airports including but not necessarily limited to the following: LGA, DCA, ATL, PHL, CLT, PIT, FLL, TPA, MCO, and LAX. Happy days are here again in Forest Hills." Hot damn, there's that word that USA320Pilot loved to throw around, FRAGMENTATION.
And here's some more info from another of Ralph's "contacts"...
"Mr. ralphcramden’s contacts have revealed the breathtaking news that Eagen, MN based Northwest Airlines (NWACQ) has begun exploring a potential cooperative role, along with LCC, LUV, AAI, JBLU, and UAUA in the acquistion and effective fragmentation of DALRQ. Recently retained boutique banking firm Evercore Partners has been involved in the very preliminary discussions. Mr. ralphcramden’s sources have floated a potential scenario that would reduce the LCC share to as little as 55% of a fragmented DALRQ. NWACQ would gain a BIG chunk of the rest, with the remains divided between the other players. Mr. ralphcramden can report with certainty that this news has Wall Street buzzing!"
But really, how could we forget our good buddy pronouncing that "due diligence" had begun,
"FLASH*****new ralphcramden stunner to jolt airline world: due diligence a “done dealâ€*****
Shock announcement by Mr. ralphcramden set for thursday after market closure
LCC, DALRQ message boards on high alert: 6pm est release expected" Oh really, funny, i never heard it.
Serously, i could go on and on about this buffoons predictions, but i'd be wasting mine and your time. Needless to say, i think its a safe bet that poor old Ralphie needs to get out a little more and stop dreaming up these cock-eyed delusions of his. If nothing else, he's good for some comedic value i suppose.
