A little humor
- Thread starter KCFlyer
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xUT
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Very Much... LOL
WARNING! Truth...
WARNING! Truth...
xUT
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KCFlyer
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John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. ‘I realise it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?'
‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'
‘She just died and left me everything.'
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. ‘I realise it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?'
‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'
‘She just died and left me everything.'
xUT
Veteran
A Lesson in Government
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Donald got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Donald.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Donald went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Donald was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Donald went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Donald was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''
😱
Stolen from: http://jokes.cc.com/funny-little-johnny/scyehn/a-lesson-in-government
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Donald got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Donald.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Donald went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Donald was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Donald went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Donald was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''
😱
Stolen from: http://jokes.cc.com/funny-little-johnny/scyehn/a-lesson-in-government
Last edited:
xUT
Veteran
Well I don't know what her ammo was but I doubt is was a 7.62x51mm.
We mounted a mini gun on a jeep and when we fired that puppy the jeep jumped with the hand break on.
On a side bar, the CO had us mount twin 50's on a Huey (that was 2 50's on each side, total of 4).
When he flew on a couple of missions, the aluminum air frame couldn't take it and there were so many cracks and failed rivets he had to take another Huey as we had to refurbish the whole aircraft.
You want to see something funny, watch a loach (OH6) fire their minigun..
😎Just my 2 Cents
Dog Wonder
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Insp4
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"WASHINGTON (AP) –
At 12:15 pm today President Trump disclosed that he has reached an agreement with Enrique Peña Nieto, President of Mexico, which provides
for the sale of substantially all of the State of CA to the country of Mexico. President Trump, noted that this deal, which he claims “Is His HUGEST real estate deal ever” is a win-win for everyone involved....
One of the benefits he says he will highlight during a prime time address from the oval office later this evening, will include using the proceeds received by the U.S. from Mexico to:
(1) Pay for the wall (fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which will now include the length of the eastern border of California.
(2) Fund all the infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states.
(3) Pay to relocate the 67, remaining Republicans that currently reside in CA.
He also noted that Federal money saved from the reduction of CA citizens on U.S. social programs will allow those social programs to be cash positive in less than 3, years.
Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced a bill to the Mexican Congress asking to change the name of the acquisition to
Mexi-fornia. Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this evening’s prime time address include:
• Mexi-fornia, will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within Mexico, noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the climate in the former State of CA more desirable than the climate in U.S. cities such as NYC, Detroit or Chicago.
• The elimination of the existing boarder between Mexico and CA will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico and it’s users in Hollywood.
Drug, tunnel diggers at the Tijuana border, will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to help ease congestion in the city and allow rioters to move about the universities more freely....
• The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future disaster relief required once the next mega-quake hits CA.
The space in the Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by representatives of CA will be fumigated, turned into “time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where U.S. citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the pursuit of economic freedom.
Nancy P. Lousy, released a statement stating, that she looks forward to making the Mexican President’s life miserable, prefers the year round weather in Mexico City to that of DC. Her office has already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for what is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of Mexico.
Papers released along with Trump’s statement reveal that a newly incorporated real estate company, PMUR-T Inc., which was intimately involved in the deal discussions, will receive a broker fee of $25, billion on the CA sale. An anonymous PMUR-T Inc. representative has revealed that the profits on the deal are HUGE and will be used to purchase, develop and convert all abandoned U.S. Federal facilities in CA into special high end retreats and resorts which will assist CA residents with managing their euphoria and transition into the Nanny state they have so long desired to be.
The exact northern border of the new Mexi-fornia is still under negotiation. Apparently the White House is concerned that certain members of congress may be unwilling to give up CA’S wine country, suggesting that the northern border align with the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge but that Marin County will happily be ceded to Mexico.
Mexi-fornia, residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the border into the U.S. So the total number of Mexi-fornia Liberals entering the U.S. can be tracked, at any point in time, not exceed predetermined levels. Residents that remain in Mexi-fornia after the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the U.S., in the future.
Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal, is looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language for his newly acquired territory and opening S.S.L. (Spanish as a Second Language) schools throughout Mexi-fornia. He also noted that funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have agreed to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands, back into Mexico tax free. He also stated he considers the fact that Disney park, will now be located within his country an added bonus.
White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a similar deal IS in the works for the sale of Northeastern states from NY through Maine, to Canada.
President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “This Deal Is HUGE and will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great Again”
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SharoninSAT
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Into every life a little rain must fall...
I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I was paroled by Obama."
I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I was paroled by Obama."
