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Subject:Aircraft security
UPI
Kansas City-A United Airlines flight enroute from Los Angeles to JFK
airport in New York City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday when a
passenger was noticed attempting to light a fuse protruding from his
rectum.
Flight Attendant Bunny Haggarty said she noticed the man
seated in an aisle seat leaning forward and holding a cigarette lighter behind his
legs. "I saw this string-like thing hanging from his rear, and I got scared,"
Haggarty said. She immediately called for assistance. Several male passengers subdued the man before he was able to light the fuse.
After landing in Kansas City, authorities found the man's intestines
were stuffed with military grade C4 explosive. FBI agents stated that
it would have been a complete catastrophe if the passenger had succeeded
in lighting the fuse.
The passenger, Mohammed Bin Ali El Batout Nabeel Sin Abba Rahim Mansour Ali Baba, Age 25, was carrying fourteen passports from various countries throughout the middle east. Asked why he had stuffed himself full of plastic explosives, Ali Baba stated, "I was planning to blow the chit out of the plane." "I wanted to kill all the Americans and Jews to show that we are a peace loving pipple."
Airport security agents in Los Angeles remembered seeing Ali Baba as he
boarded American flight 90. They were a bit concerned because his name
would not fit on the front of the ticket, he was wearing a checkered
tablecloth as a hat, looked like he was ready to kill someone, was
reading an Al Quaeda training manual and had on a "#### America" tee
shirt. According to Federal Airport Security standards, however, individuals cannot be profiled for additional security simply because they are young, middle-eastern men.
The security supervisor, Leroy Jackson, said he was somewhat concerned
with the way Ali Baba walked. "Hell, man, the guy waddled like he had
a stick of dynamite up his ass!" "Had I not been on the phone with my probation
officer, I might have checked this guy out some more." "But, we want
and need complete diversity in our passenger screening," stated Jackson.
"Plus, we think the flight crews on those planes pose more of a threat
to safety than one raghead with an exploding ass." "That's why you can
always find one of them pilots in bare feet waiting for his shoes to be x-rayed. I
love seeing the look on their faces when we make them do that," he guffawed,
adding "I just hope they don't give those guys guns, 'cause they might
want to even the score."
Federal officials are now referring to this latest terrorist attempt as
a 'butt bomb'. Security experts believe this could be even more
difficult to detect than the primitive 'shoe bomb' used by terrorist Richard
Reid.
"I'm not sure how were going to check for 'butt bombs'," stated
Jackson. "We don't have technology to do it, but we've got to check somehow in the interest of safety," adding, "I think we should start with Flight Crews.
first."
UPI
Kansas City-A United Airlines flight enroute from Los Angeles to JFK
airport in New York City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday when a
passenger was noticed attempting to light a fuse protruding from his
rectum.
Flight Attendant Bunny Haggarty said she noticed the man
seated in an aisle seat leaning forward and holding a cigarette lighter behind his
legs. "I saw this string-like thing hanging from his rear, and I got scared,"
Haggarty said. She immediately called for assistance. Several male passengers subdued the man before he was able to light the fuse.
After landing in Kansas City, authorities found the man's intestines
were stuffed with military grade C4 explosive. FBI agents stated that
it would have been a complete catastrophe if the passenger had succeeded
in lighting the fuse.
The passenger, Mohammed Bin Ali El Batout Nabeel Sin Abba Rahim Mansour Ali Baba, Age 25, was carrying fourteen passports from various countries throughout the middle east. Asked why he had stuffed himself full of plastic explosives, Ali Baba stated, "I was planning to blow the chit out of the plane." "I wanted to kill all the Americans and Jews to show that we are a peace loving pipple."
Airport security agents in Los Angeles remembered seeing Ali Baba as he
boarded American flight 90. They were a bit concerned because his name
would not fit on the front of the ticket, he was wearing a checkered
tablecloth as a hat, looked like he was ready to kill someone, was
reading an Al Quaeda training manual and had on a "#### America" tee
shirt. According to Federal Airport Security standards, however, individuals cannot be profiled for additional security simply because they are young, middle-eastern men.
The security supervisor, Leroy Jackson, said he was somewhat concerned
with the way Ali Baba walked. "Hell, man, the guy waddled like he had
a stick of dynamite up his ass!" "Had I not been on the phone with my probation
officer, I might have checked this guy out some more." "But, we want
and need complete diversity in our passenger screening," stated Jackson.
"Plus, we think the flight crews on those planes pose more of a threat
to safety than one raghead with an exploding ass." "That's why you can
always find one of them pilots in bare feet waiting for his shoes to be x-rayed. I
love seeing the look on their faces when we make them do that," he guffawed,
adding "I just hope they don't give those guys guns, 'cause they might
want to even the score."
Federal officials are now referring to this latest terrorist attempt as
a 'butt bomb'. Security experts believe this could be even more
difficult to detect than the primitive 'shoe bomb' used by terrorist Richard
Reid.
"I'm not sure how were going to check for 'butt bombs'," stated
Jackson. "We don't have technology to do it, but we've got to check somehow in the interest of safety," adding, "I think we should start with Flight Crews.
first."
Outrageous!! Too funny ... cannot stop laughing! Puleeeze .... post this on the USAirways forum .... need a good chuckle over there!!! 
