The following is a letter sent to TWU Boss Little by one of his "members" at AA.
December 25, 2007
James Little
International President
Transport Workers Union
1700 Broadway (2nd Floor)
New York, NY 10019-5905
Dear Brother Little,
A Merry Christmas to you, and your family.
It's time again for my traditional 'ignored holiday letter' to you. Instead of getting paid double time and a half at work, writing this letter at home is one of the few pleasures left in my life.
This time of year always inspires me to put pen to paper, or in this case, finger to keyboard. The half pay I'm getting to work on this holiday and the five other recognized holidays we have left, and also the lack of funds I find at the end of this year in my bank account inspires me. I wonder if you are familiar with this.
I will be dipping into my much-needed funds to send this letter to you via the postal service, as you are unreachable by any other modern means. When, oh! when are you going to post your email address? If your corporate buddies at AMR can email you, then why not the membership. It is the membership, may I remind you, who make your lavish lifestyle possible?
Every month I get two publications in my mailbox, and these are the Flagship News, and the TWU Express. These publications are very similar in many respects, and I'm beginning to wonder if they have the same editorial staff. They both have happy workers, stricken by concessionary contracts, and their wealthy leaders in posed publicity shots, with everyone seemingly having a jolly old time. Neither publication addresses the current concerns of the workers to whom they send these propaganda snippets of information. They also don't have any information on how to weather the increasing financial burden placed on them, as this vile contract marches onward. It makes me wonder why these publications are mailed out. It couldn't possibly be an attempt at brainwashing, not with such fine upstanding people leading the TWU or AMR.
Well, here we get to the purpose of my letter. I would like to address this financial burden with some suggestions that I would like you to place in the TWU Express with my full permission. Perhaps this would encourage readers to send in their own suggestions and a meaningful dialog started, rather than the white flag waving that has become a tradition in the TWU.
Tips on how to survive a T.W.U Contract
1. Save money on toilet paper by using the TWU Express/Flagship News after you've finished reading it as a replacement, shredding it into strips and hanging it on a nail close to the Water Closet. (I know Brother Gless' picture will be a favorite with New York members, so be sure to have more pictures of him) Also tissue paper will reduce publishing costs for the TWU.
2. Don't ever get sick, as the cost of our medical has skyrocketed. Come into work even if you are on death's door. It won't improve production, but it would reduce the number of 'occurrences' on which management frowns. (They even hauled one member at JFK into counseling when he was dying of AIDS.)
3. Remove unnecessary weight from your car so as to improve gas mileage, some suggestions are spare tires (the bald thing in the back), Bondo, rust, tape holding lights in place, cardboard over the holes in the windows, coat hangers used as an antenna, unused seats, and only put enough fuel for one round trip journey (as if we ever have money for more than that).
4. Don't have kids, as they chew up money faster than a TWU delegate at a Vegas Blackjack table. (Don't worry; the human race will definitely survive a few more generations without your added burden of reproduction.)
5. Use cat tuna, instead of the human stuff. (Don't worry you'll soon get used to it and all those weird crunchy pieces. If it's good enough for Muffin, it's good enough for you.)
6. Learn to sew; those 5 uniforms you have left have probably got holes all over the place, so that's a good place to start.
7. Wait until your local supermarket has just mopped their floor, and go running up and down the aisles, and hopefully you'll fall over and be able to sue them for gobs of cash. (A fracture with bone sticking out will get even more, so bear that in mind. Plus Flex Benefits may not cover it.)
8. Start an AMFA drive, as this seems to be the only way of getting a good contract out of the TWU. (This won't help you now, but the year or so it's in place will help pay off some of the mounting credit card debts.)
9. Go to a union meeting. (It won't help to get anything done, as it's an entrenched leadership, which old age, and death seem to be the only way it changes. I'm talking about the free food they give you, and put some into your pockets for your kids meals too).
10. Dress up like Santa and hang around supermarkets with a bell and bucket. (Keep an eye on the guy with a mop while you're there).
11. If you already have kids, send them down to a Central American country to work in the sweatshops. (Shopping at Wal-Mart will take on a whole new meaning when you pass the 'Kathy Lee Collection'. Also you can share your money saving tips with Wal-Mart employees, and also ask them how to apply for food stamps.)
12. Paint your old Sony Walkman with a new, and vibrant color and paint Ipod on the outside. (Makes for a great Christmas gift.)
13. Cut down a Christmas tree from the side of the road. (If you should get arrested while doing this, they have free food in jail, and better benefits, plus don't forget to stuff some free food your pocket for a tasty Christmas Meal).
14. Don't go on vacation, it's too expensive, plus we can all live vicariously through the executives; like Gerald Arpy as he flies his twin-engine private aircraft on CNBC. Gosh, I get all excited every time I see that sleek aircraft, held aloft on it's gossamer wings, gracefully steak across the golden sky.
15. Work all the holidays even though we only get paid half pay for them. Compared to those spending time with their children, you can be comforted by the knowledge you'll be saving the company from bankruptcy, and adding a little extra to the pockets of our deserving executives. (Plus you'll only be boring the relatives with your miserable stories about what's happened to your profession.)
16. Become an AMFA organizer, then a Section Chairman, then a Local President, then a get an unelected position as an International Representative making a bundle. (Hey it worked for Brother Gless, why not you?)
17. Don't waste your time trying to sell a maintenance coin/medal. (That's a whole story in itself.)
18. Encourage those kids I told you not to have to chew on as many Mattel toys as possible, have them fail at school, get their lead levels checked. and all of a sudden I hear 'lawsuit'. (Plus you won't feel so bad sending them down to work in Central America).
19. Find a relative of a corporate executive or International Union President and marry them. (Then when you're sipping cocktails you could ask them for a job appointment, like Brother Koziatek getting his daughter a cushy TWU job.)
20. Get a unionized job as they always pay better. Whoops, sorry, I mean one that has nothing to do with the Airlines. (What was I thinking?)
Well, Brother Little, how's that for starters? Anything more I can suggest? How about some advice on how to negotiate a contract with pay increases? Now there's a revolutionary idea. Is their anything I left out, like a 'snap back' clause, for the next inevitable concessionary contract?
So this Christmas as you and your family sit down to Christmas dinner, I hope you pause a while when your lifting your crystal glass of sparkling Dom Perignon to swill down that caviar. Give some thought this holiday, as you tuck your fine French linen napkin into the collar of your Dolce and Gabanna shirt while you wrap your lips around that succulent turkey served to you on a silver platter, to the people who put all that delicious food on your table. The very people who are probably walking the neighborhood for recycling soda cans, the people that make your $234,000 salary possible.
Yours Fraternally,
Brother Michael Allen
P.S. When I get off work on Christmas Day, can I come over for dinner with the kids?
P.P.S. Why are the two previous International Presidents still kept on as President-emeritus, when these were the very guys who turned chicken and soiled themselves during the local 100 strikes? What can we possibly learn from them may I ask?
