Dear Red States

[jimntx]

(I got this in an email from a friend. Supposedly, it is a reader comment from the Washington Post; however, I could not find it on their website. If anyone else finds it, please post the link.)

Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high-tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy monsters believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

 

[North by Northwest]

If only...

Then they can elect McCain Palin as their Leaders....

 

[UnionAMT]

If only...

Then they can elect McCain Palin as their Leaders....

And that will be two extra much needed people in an already way diluted gene pool. Of course at seventy-three McCain may not be much help.

That means it's up to Palin to add a branch.

 

[Dignity]

You get Dollywood.

Dont even think about dissing Dolly!

 

[boxer]

Google Dear Red States. Many links

 

[UAL_TECH]

Dear Blue States:

Excerpt:

Well, imagine our relief that you’ve decided to secede and form some sort of bathing-optional commune headquartered in California. The money we'll save in aspirin, now that we won’t have headaches from listening to your interminable whining, will be worth it to us alone.

We'll finally be rid of you lazy, moping, latte-sucking Streisand fans now that you're actually going to follow through--for once--on your promise to finally get off your butts and leave, as so many of you claimed you would every election cycle and then chickened out of actually doing. (Yeah, we’re looking at you, Alec Baldwin.)

But not so fast. You don’t get to take all the Blue States with you--just the Blue parts.

We hate to break it to you, but your Blue States aren’t actually "blue." Mostly, they’re states full of Red counties with pockets of Blue urban blight in them, who vote Democratic in such numbers that if the same results came out of a Third World country—which, come to think of it, many of the "Blue" counties pretty much are—we’d think it was fraud and send some election observers from the UN.

Even California is pretty much a Red State: Bush won 35 out of 58 counties, while Kerry won LA and San Francisco. You want 'em? we certainly won’t fight you for them but you're going to have to found New California without 35 of your most beautiful counties and your second-largest city. Sorry about that.

Instead you get the urban single moms, not the soccer moms; the drug addicts, not the doctors; the waiters, not the chefs. You get the fine service you've come to expect from the brutal and corrupt inner-city police departments. You get the abysmal literacy rates and schools that are more dangerous than most prisons. All in all, you get to take with you a public sector in most cities so unmanageable they make Mogadishu seem like a tidily run little municipality by comparison.

Oh, and one last thing. We get the U.S. military, too. Did we mention that part? (You may have forgotten that they're volunteers, and most are happy Red state voters.)

Not to worry, though, since we’re sure that Islamic fundamentalist terrorists will be more than happy to reach an accommodation with a society that embraces radical feminism, gay marriage, gun control, hostility to organized religion of any kind, and Salman Rushdie. Good luck with that.

But one day when some misogynist Saudi freak--who no doubt will sneak into your country by strolling over the northern border after a few years sucking on the Canadian welfare system you all admire so much--blows up a couple kilos of plutonium on Sunset Boulevard, go send Sean Penn to ask the French for help. We’ll be busy that day.

Sincerely,

The Red States

PS: You can keep the marijuana. You're going to need it, since selling it is one of the last stable industries left in Blue counties.

Read the rest from the link...
B) xUT

 

[777 fixer]

Even though I was born and raised, and live currently, in a blue state I find the "Dear Red States" rant to be patently offensive. I also doubt that you would find something like this in the Washington Post. More like something you would see in a blog.

 

[UAL_TECH]

Even though I was born and raised, and live currently, in a blue state I find the "Dear Red States" rant to be patently offensive. I also doubt that you would find something like this in the Washington Post. More like something you would see in a blog.

or a political humor website:
Link: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jo...rbluestates.htm

 

[JS]

sounds good to me ... bu-bye!

 

[JS]

I should add that the Red States will have a balanced budget and we will pay off our proportional share of the current national debt because we will have a business-friendly climate, no entitlement class (they can immigrate to a blue state and mooch off them), and we will slap an export tax on oil, gasoline, and tobacco.

 

[North by Northwest]

I should add that the Red States will have a balanced budget and we will pay off our proportional share of the current national debt because we will have a business-friendly climate, no entitlement class (they can immigrate to a blue state and mooch off them), and we will slap an export tax on oil, gasoline, and tobacco.

Yeah...you certainly have shown us, with your RED run over the last 8 years. (and that's WITH the wealth of the Blue States)

Love to see the success of "continued" Red leadership with a Fossil and a Dimwit as leaders vs. the current blatant leadership greed and economic train wreck. A stellar RED Third world despot.

My only demand is that the "United Blue States of America" maintain STRICT border and immigration Defenses.

 

[southwind]

Dear Red States, A New Country is Born!

Wasn't it Russia, that used that term when Lenin took over the reins?

Socialism anyone ?

 

[tech2101]

Dear Red States, A New Country is Born!

Wasn't it Russia, that used that term when Lenin took over the reins?

Socialism anyone ?

Pledge now to return any tax break you get under President Obama...unless you make more than $250k/year.

 

[Kev3188]

Dear Red States, A New Country is Born!

Wasn't it Russia, that used that term when Lenin took over the reins?

Socialism anyone ?

I'm still waiting to hear why you think socialism is a bad word....

While I think it's adorable that you've swallowed whole the flawed concept that anything that the right doesn't agree with is automatically socialism, you do know that your candidate's housing plan is the very definition of it, right?

McCain's plan for the housing crisis.

That would be government ownership of private property, by the way...


You really need to do some research before you come on here. Picking your posts apart is all too easy.

 

[NewHampshire Black Bears]

Kev,

I've been saying for ..EONS,..that the only mistake Abe Lincoln made was..RECONSTRUCTION.

Ideally, The Red States would have been NO DIFFERENT(today) than Mexico, or all the Caribean(minus Puerto Rico of the USVI's).

Also, I just read that..19..."19" repug Senators are up for re-election in 2010. There's a good chance that a number of 2008 repug Senators will "play ball" with the(soon to be) newly Elected Majority. Now for those that DON'T, well perhaps the DNC can allocate numerous funds($$$) to get RID of them(It's happening as I speak, here in NH, as Sen. John Sununu ® will get "ABORTED" on 11/4. He was targeted as THE MOST Vulnerable repug Senator) !!!

ADIOS JOHN,......T minus 12, and counting !!

It wouldn't surprise me to see the Repugs REDUCED in size, similar to the John Birch society, of many years ago.

There is a HUGE Internal battle going on presently, within their Ranks.

TOO Bad, it Really breaks my heart !!