For Immediate Release:
MIAMI, FL. AMR, parent of American Airlines hereby announces its new retirement program. Effective immediately, American employees will be given two (2) Power Ball tickets per week. If on-time goals are met, employees can receive up to three (3) scratch-offs per quarter.
"This is the best, most reliable way for American employees to prepare for their retirements," commented one official.
American's Power Ball Pension Program (tm) will go into effect next week.
"Hopefully, AMR employees will be able to retire comfortably."
"After all, how hard can it be to pick seven numbers?"
AMR hopes to save $300M per year with its new Power Ball Pension Program.