SharoninSAT
Veteran
😀
A little humor
- Thread starter KCFlyer
- Start date
KCFlyer
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- Joined
- Aug 20, 2002
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I was gonna post this....this is hilarious.
xUT
Veteran
In Dubai, they forgot one little item.
The modern Arab world!!
You have seen those architectural skyscraper wonders of Dubai. However, none are hooked up to a sewer system! The two minute video below passes a line of poop trucks and never gets to the end of the line. What were these people thinking?
An unbelievable amount of sewage is generated by the new high-rises and there is no place to dispose of it. Camel sense seems about right! Dubai doesn't have a sewage system for all those big new buildings so they haul it all away in tank trucks. Look at the number of tank trucks that are waiting to dump their load. This is amazing. They wait for days to dump their load.
You would have thought that by building all those huge skyscrapers they would have enough sense to put in a sufficient sewage system to haul away all that crap. You would imagine that those building that look amazingly beautiful were built on a well-planned system of utilities. But, that's NOT TRUE!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-pQdjwliLMA
😛
The modern Arab world!!
You have seen those architectural skyscraper wonders of Dubai. However, none are hooked up to a sewer system! The two minute video below passes a line of poop trucks and never gets to the end of the line. What were these people thinking?
An unbelievable amount of sewage is generated by the new high-rises and there is no place to dispose of it. Camel sense seems about right! Dubai doesn't have a sewage system for all those big new buildings so they haul it all away in tank trucks. Look at the number of tank trucks that are waiting to dump their load. This is amazing. They wait for days to dump their load.
You would have thought that by building all those huge skyscrapers they would have enough sense to put in a sufficient sewage system to haul away all that crap. You would imagine that those building that look amazingly beautiful were built on a well-planned system of utilities. But, that's NOT TRUE!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-pQdjwliLMA
😛
SharoninSAT
Veteran
Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nano seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH.
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press * for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nano seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH.
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press * for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
Glenn Quagmire
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- Apr 30, 2012
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Lol Sharon. Thanks for sharing!
SharoninSAT
Veteran
😀
xUT
Veteran
[font=Arial"]The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it.[/font]
[font=Arial"]The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:[/font]
[font=Arial"]The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:[/font]
[font=Arial"]1.The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side. [/font]
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side. [/font]
😛
xUT
Veteran
[font=Arial"]SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2`
When a lady is pregnant,[/font][font=Arial"]all her friends touch the stomach [/font][font=Arial"]and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them touch the man's penis [/font][font=Arial"]and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story:
Hard work is never appreciated.
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness,[/font][font=Arial"]but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette [/font][font=Arial"]than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy,[/font][font=Arial"]but remember the ####'s name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble,[/font][font=Arial"]they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive[/font][font=Arial"]only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems,[/font][font=Arial"]but then neither does milk.[/font]
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2`
When a lady is pregnant,[/font][font=Arial"]all her friends touch the stomach [/font][font=Arial"]and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them touch the man's penis [/font][font=Arial"]and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story:
Hard work is never appreciated.
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness,[/font][font=Arial"]but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette [/font][font=Arial"]than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy,[/font][font=Arial"]but remember the ####'s name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble,[/font][font=Arial"]they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive[/font][font=Arial"]only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems,[/font][font=Arial"]but then neither does milk.[/font]
SharoninSAT
Veteran
This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!
Tonight Show...
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have
had that extra latte !! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her
buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humour of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what
had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment..... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Tonight Show...
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have
had that extra latte !! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her
buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humour of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what
had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment..... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
xUT
Veteran
SharoninSAT
Veteran
😀
SharoninSAT
Veteran
A Preacher was presenting a special children's church service to the congregation. During
the message, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during a children's service is crucial, but at the same time,
asking the children questions in front of a congregation can also be very
dangerous.
Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little
boy raised his hand. The Preacher called on him and the little boy said, "All I
know is that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are
supposed to call the doctor."
The boy's Father smiled and patted his boy's head.
the message, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during a children's service is crucial, but at the same time,
asking the children questions in front of a congregation can also be very
dangerous.
Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little
boy raised his hand. The Preacher called on him and the little boy said, "All I
know is that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are
supposed to call the doctor."
The boy's Father smiled and patted his boy's head.
