First, I would like to say, HA HA HA , it's still my thread.
Secondly, I would like let my friend who is not me type for a second:
I feel really sorry for people who book tickets on that flight because it looks like a complete clusterpuck at the gate. The amount of time it takes to process the amount of volunteers needed makes it impossible to get the flight anywhere near on time.
Announcements? Oh how much time do you have?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THIS FLIGHT TO LGA IS OVERSOLD LOOKING FOR TWO MILLION VOLUNTEERS TO GIVE UP THEIR SEATS IN EXCHANGE FOR SOME BELLY BUTTON LINT AND THIS PAPERCLIP USABLE FOR A YEAR -YOULL BE BOOKED ON THE NEXT AVAILABLE FLIGHT*
*next available flight has 6 seats to sell and it's actually full already, so we're basically just taking your lack of seat and moving it til tomorrow good luck with that
The boarding area is full of people staring and glaring and walking up and jumping the line
"excuse me I just have a quick question" and then everyone starts yelling and the line jumper is like "i need a seat" and then I have to explain it again while everyone yells and now the crew wants their release and they want to know if it's clear to go down because it came from Madafreakinggascar, and even though I have a partner at the gate, she has no experience with this and is currently inthe fetal position sucking her thumb or doesnt have the customs seal required to go down to the jetbridge. Oh, great, just waiting on catering and cleaning, gotta call and put a fire under them, the flight attendants are irritated because they hate flying out of D for this reason, the passengers I left in line are still standing there as I explain to the crew why they can't get on , of course pax probably think Im talking about my new Jimmy Choo sandals and Rolex that I stole from that bag we lost last week. I go back to the gate and theres 40 more people who want to know what the hell they ever did to me to make me take away their seat.
I explain over and over and over and then some dude walks up and interrupts in the middle of my explanation "I dont mean to interrupt n sh*t, but I need to be on this plane" and I'm still chewing on the last three words trying to process the humor, but unable to because the lady who has been standing there has decided to slap the counter and tell me how important she is and how much she charges per minute at her business and now we owe her lots of dollars. I wonder if she takes pesos in my head, and evidently I dont mask it because now she wants me to help her understand what is so funny.
The new hire is now on the floor coloring, but upon closer examination, it looks like a HELP ME sign scrawled over Tinkerbell and the child whose coloring book she has "borrowed" is behind the counter pulling ticket stock out and the childs mother is on the phone telling me that the weather in LGA is just fine and we are a bunch of liars. And the girl at the counter here is no help. (I guess she means me)
What? What are you TALKING ABOUT? I want to scream
Do you know how much work actually got done during what was probably 45 minutes? None. Because my job right now is crowd control. I would have volunteers if there were another plane to put them on, and the tower is irritated because we aren't boarding yet. I need the new hire to go pull tickets but now she claims she doesn't speak english and I suspect she found someone's Valium and took enough to sedate a herd of elephants.
I go to make announcements and now the PA wont work.
I really could go on and on and on, but I suppose the airline feels like since the sun came up this morning, and no one died, we can go ahead and do the same thing tomorrow. Because if that plane is really that busted up, I would think that someone would be proactive and start putting protection in these records or something because what is happening at the gate is embarrassing, confusing for people, the computer system is famous for not working, the ticket printers jam up, there's no available hotels, the meal vouchers wont come out, the badgeless new hire is now yelling at me that she will never fly us airways again and where is her seat, the toddler has snapped himself in the face with an employee badge , and the mother is now going to sue.
I need to board and after getting permission from a flight attendant who says "are we full up front?" and because every sense is being tortured by these loud, stinky, nervewracking people outside, I must have given her a pitiful look because she goes OMG I'm kidding! Here are you thirsty? YES!! I am so thirsty! I'm shocked I was able to breathe on my own. Thank you, angel of mercy, you deeds will go rewarded in heaven, Which is anywhere but here. I cradle my treasured soda and get met by a supervisor who has informed me that we need to have a discussion about stealing company property. It is a soda, not the hope diamond. Stop looking at me like that. What? Is this a can of awesome magic? I'm sorry, can I exchange it for an EFFING SODA? Are you a robot? That was funny and you know it. No? Whatever, dude, I totally knew you were a west sup the minute you transferred here. No response. I gulp it down anyway and the unamused face changes to an amusing orgy of horror, dusgust and rage. When supervisor is able to breathe and speak again, and the facial color returns to somewhat normal, I am informed sternly that there are no drinks at the gate.
Not anymore, silly, I drank it!!
I think he just mentally exploded my head in his head.
Where is your coworker? He demands, holding onto the podium like it's the edge of the building and he's going to jump. DONT DO IT!! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!! Actually.....if you think about it...oh, right coworker.. nevermind her she's fine, look, she's found a blowup pool somewhere and is having a grand time splashing in the tears of the people who still dont have seats.
And if anyone is still reading this and going "What the HELL?" , congratulations, you are now a card carrying member my club. Which I havent named yet.
It is a nightmare. Not to mention the oversold list at the end, when the miracle of flight actually does take place, it takes an hour to figure out, and the help desk is acting like I don't know how to explain it and I have a plane on the ground to meet now, so I hand the phone to the new hire, who appears grateful, but then I realize she has eaten the reciever.
That is my sad reality. Love, Friend of Gnome Who Also Is Good at Writing Fiction Like The Above Story Which Never Happened and So Help Me God If It Happens Again Tonight I Will End Up In The QuackHouse. (my parents were hippies, they liked weird names)
------
Wow, that's pretty heavy. I really don't have anything to add except that, my thread is better than yours and I love my gnome fans.
Hee hee!!
I love reading what you don't write and what you do. I mainly read this forum because of you......well, except for "career expectations" topic.
