Why is it OK for the Captain to say "I'm not taking this airplane" and smugly storm off to Starbucks, but even asking the question "Are you refusing to fly the airplane?" is interpreted as pilot pushing? They are opposite sides of the very same coin.
I had an east mechanic spring the "Are you refusing the aircraft" thing on me when he wanted me to take an airplane with an open write-up to the next station to be complied with (the MEL was actually a pretty simple one) and I said simply "YES". He said my CP wanted to talk with me, so I called my CP, who said "Why would I want to talk to you? You know what you're doing. You're going to get it fixed or MEL'd, right?" I agreed and we both thought the mechanic was a little ballsy to try that, but the MEL was applied and off we went.
The "Are you refusing to fly the airplane" is simply a trigger, just like the flows, that should occur at a point where everything that can be done to dispatch the airplane has been done and now the issue has to be "Can the captain be satisfied that the airplane conforms to it's type design and is safe for flight?" If the captain's concerns are clouded in a temper tantrum to the point where it's unclear whether anything would satisfy him/her, then you need to see if another captain would have the same level of concern , removing the emotion from it. If the next pilot or two's concerns are clouded in the desire to take an opportunity to participate in a union safety campaign, that complicates things even further and gets further away from the question of whether the aircraft conforms to its type design and is a condition for safe flight.
Every write-up can't be a referendum on the legitimacy of the MEL. Yes there are typo's and on a very outside chance there may be a conflict between two MEL's that went undiscovered, but in the main, the MEL is a very reliable tool that should be used when applicable and the captain should have confidence that the operation can be conducted safely under it.
The real pushing comes from those who want to intimidate pilots with secret Pink Panty lists and "if you not with us, you're against us " perverted logic. What kind of professional accuses management with intimidation, but does what he knows is wrong to avoid peer intimidation?